I spent more hours in an airport yesterday than I did at work. Not that I was really doing any work after my night before, but that’s besides the point.

I had lots of time to ponder a few things while en route to Kennebunk.

1. Let me first give the disclaimer that I do want children. But, I don’t ever want to have to travel with them. People can come to visit me, and Disneyland will occur when little Susie can sport her own backpack. I mean I feel for those parents…carrying all of your crap plus theirs (and God help you if you have a stroller), having to drag them with you when you’re late, listening to them whine when you have to wait, being the person on the plane with the screaming kid…no thanks. Traveling is already a harrowing experience. On that note I will also never be one of those parents who either A – screams incessantly at the kid to calm down thus embarrassing themselves and looking like an abusive parent, or B – the loud parent on the plane cooing to their child as if they were the greatest thing on the earth, i.e. “Johnny, do you want this cracker? Johnny look play with this toy!” That’s fine, but not when the entire plane can hear you talking to little Johnny.

2. LGA sucks. I flew in on United then had to take a shuttle to US Air – which is not a very clearly stated terminal change by the way. I run to catch my connecting flight and find it’s been slated to board at 11:15 pm (it was scheduled for 9:30 pm). Then it moves around to about 5 gates. Plus, all of the food court was closed by then, so I had to buy a nasty turkey club wrap that had probably been made at 6 am, and to top it off, it cost me $12 for the wrap, a drink, and a bag of chips. Kill me. OK, maybe I’m just bitter and was having flashbacks to the time a couple years ago when I got snowed in and trapped at LGA with the big Noreaster that even forced snow savvy NYC to shut down. But, still…I have yet to have a good experience through that airport.

3. Clothes that should not be worn in an airport. Rather, should not be worn ever:

• A flirty flippy skirt may be fun for frolicking, but not so much while wearing a backpack that pulls up in an unflattering way.
• Fanny packs are a no. Forever and always. As is spandex.
• Ladies – do you really need to wear pants falling off your ass and a tank top – thus exposing a good four inches of midriff? Now, in general, if you have the body, I say bare it…but really, on a plane?
• Men – this is a more general comment. Please have your dress socks match your pants. If you are wearing tan pants, have tan socks. Black pants, black socks. Never, ever wear white socks. Or any other color not closely related to pant color. CPMC correct me if I’m wrong, but fashion faux pas?

As for now, I’m going to read on the amazing deck of my friend’s house and watch the ocean…I am sadly cursed with the working woman’s timeclock – and although I went to bed at 2:30 am…I was awake at 6:30, then 7:30…and finally said fuckit I’m going to begin the day!

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