We’ve all had it. The bad hook up. Sometimes it’s so bad you can’t bring yourself to do it again, sometimes you think eh, why not. I’ll try to keep it PG-13 for you, but here are some tips and also a few of my most memorable (or, forgettable) moments:

1. The Move. If you have a “signature” move, chances are it won’t work on every girl. Case in point, I had this one guy try to make out with my ear. I still shudder when I think about him. It wasn’t just a tiny nibble or a bite, he really tried to shove his tongue IN my ear. Gross.
2. The Question. Please, don’t do it. Ever. Don’t ever ask a girl anything resembling the following: “did you come?” or “how was it?” I had someone ask me once, “how many times did you orgasm?” Um…none, thank you. It’s an awkward question, and it’s hard to get out of. You don’t want to lie and be a faker, but you don’t want to tell him no. Guys, you have to realize that orgasm is not the be all end all for women. In fact, we can have a really good time without one (assuming you do everything else right heh). I understand that you want to please her, and I understand that you’re trying to be considerate. But, more often than not it makes her uncomfortable. Granted, this changes the longer you are with a person and the more you get to know them and what they like.
3. The Question Part 2. Another no-no for both guys and girls is “how many people have you slept with?” Nobody wants to know. If it’s too few, if it’s too many…it’s your business. If I want to share with you, I will. If you want to share with me, you can. It also kind of follows the “rule of 3″ as said on American Pie 2. Guys take the number and divide by 1. Girls, take the number and multiply by 3. It’s a double standard society, and while men are studs, women are sluts. To a point of course. I do know of some man whores.
4. The Bragger. I had this guy tell me once (more than once) how well endowed he was. He even regaled me with a story about how in high school guys in the locker room would comment on it, since he was on the shorter side height wise. This was both before and after I had experienced it for myself. He wasn’t all that, no Pee-Wee, but no Dirk Diggler either. Seriously, do you need to advertise your manhood? Poor form gentlemen, poor form.
5. The Bad Kisser. They say that dancing ability is a way to see if someone will be good in bed. I think that kissing is also a good precursor. If it’s sloppy and forced, chances are the sex will be too. Kissing should be fun, not a chore. On that note, as DCLastCall so mentioned, it seems that foreplay is perhaps a lost art. These kids nowadays man, giving blow jobs in the bathroom at school. Come on, what ever happened to a good old make out session? Anticipation is half the fun!
6. The Olympic Marathon Man. This kind of goes with the above statement, but while you want to make sure you spend enough time enjoying your partner before the main event, you don’t want to prolong it too much. Also annoying, changing positions too many times in one session. If something is working, stick with it. Don’t try to be too innovative. At the same time, you don’t want to be boring. Just find what works to make you both happy.

What are your horror stories and/or suggestions?

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