A formerly anon blogger, trying to make it honest
I was thinking today about something. Friends. Something I think of often. But usually not in this way.
I was thinking about the fact that my parents don’t really have any friends.
I mean, I’m sure they have people they are friendly with, and have a social life…but in the long run, they only have each other.
In a way it’s nice, it’s good that they have each other. They have a very good relationship, and are still in love I would say (they hold hands, cuddle on the couch sometimes, do nice things for each other, are supportive, etc…). But then again I have to assume that my dad is probably lonely and could use some male companionship. And until a few years ago, my mom was in the same situation.
Now my mom does have a group of women friends – they call themselves the “beach girls” and they meet for lunch every now and then, talk on the phone, go on vacations together, have “sleepovers” and do girly things like that.
My dad, however, doesn’t really have any male friends. I really don’t think that my dad has like a close friend at all. And that makes me sad.
When I was little, my parents had couples they would talk to, Christmas letters to send out, and people we used to go camping with and generally hang out with.
I guess it’s partly due to growing up in a military family, and moving around a lot. It gets hard to stay in touch with people, especially when they are often moving around too. It’s also part of being a grown up, in that you begin to focus more on your spouse and children, which leaves less time for forging friendships.
It made me think about how I want to be when I grow up. I know that I will put most of my energy into my family and career, but I also want to make sure I allow time for me and my own personal relationships. It’s hard enough right now for me to keep up with friends, to let some casual relationships grow into closer friendships, and to maintain the close ones I have. I can’t even imagine what it will be like once I have a husband and then children.
I wish I could find a friend for my dad, because he is a great person and I really admire him. But, I don’t know how to do that. And, I’m probably being silly and I know he’s perfectly fine and happy…but to me, I know I would get lonely, and I hope that I will always have and keep some friends outside of my family. I’m not saying I want or need 20 friends when I’m older, but a couple would be nice.
It can be hard enough being an adult and trying to find someone decent to date, but I can imagine it would be even worse trying to find someone to just be a good friend.
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My parents have great friends, but my mom is def. the more social of the two. Maybe it’s just a Dad Thing? “Food on the table? Check. Car in the garage? Check. Wonderful wife? Check.” No need for much else. All my dad needs to be happy is a bologna sandwich on white bread and an NCAA basketball game on the TV.
Some people just don’t want/need friends.
My Mom definitely has much closer friends than my Dad, but Dad has golf buddies and he hangs with my brother a lot.
This reminds me of an article in either the NYT or WaPo about 6 months ago, about how men have a harder time making close guy friends on a one-on-one basis. That it’s much easier to have a group of guy acquaintances to hang out with occassionaly, but that the idea of a “man-date” – where 2 guy friends go out for dinner and chat, like 2 women friends do – is very strange and awkward.
I think my Dad at least gets what he needs out of seeing people at his regular activities. At least I hope so.
AUA is right. Some people don’t need or want friends, but I think they lead a lonelier life for it. One thing that should give any couple pause is if something happens and one is lost through death, your life can become very empty. It is always good to seek out and then work at sustaining some form of friendship. As you get older, your life can become much more isolated and sad without them.
Your dad is probably ALL RIGHTY with just a wifey to cuddle with. Dont fret, little AM, he’s ok.
I have a few good friends in the city. I’m thinking about recruiting some more. Now accepting applications.
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