A formerly anon blogger, trying to make it honest
Well, Sex & the City got a somewhat bad reputation for making idols out of women who actually can’t hold a serious, functional relationship. They talk and bitch and analyze the men and relationships in their lives, and sure it may be as simple as dating a lot of bad apples, but maybe part of it was their own problems with themselves and how they approached relationships. I mean, it takes two to make one work, and two to have one fail.
In retrospect, Grey’s Anatomy seems has done the same thing. Now, I love the show. But, why?
The women on Grey’s are all generally strong characters. They are smart, witty, gorgeous, and have it all together…except in matters of the heart.
Here is Meredith, she falls for this guy, finds out he’s married, and is still in love with him. He chooses to go back to his wife (fine), then he gets jealous and calls her a whore. He keeps lusting after her and stringing her along. And she lets him. She even sleeps with him again.She says this, “
Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we’re wired that way. Because without it, I don’t know; maybe we just wouldn’t feel real. What’s that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.”What does that say?!?
(The video clip I wanted was taken down due to copyright permissions)
Then there is Addison, she stands by her man in a masochistic way, even though he is obviously in love with Meredith. She even says “the only people who don’t know that Derek loves Meredith are Derek and Meredith.” I mean, why stay with him, why do that? Keep the hope, wait for him to come around? You cheated on him. He left. End of story. Why wait for him to forgive you?
She says, “I want you to care. I sleep with your best friend, and you walk away. He comes out here from New York and rubs it in your face, and still you get a good night’s sleep. What do I have to do? Oh, I know. Maybe what I should do is go out on a date with the vet because that seems to be something that sends you into a blind rage. Oh but wait, that won’t work either because I’m not Meredith Grey!”
I mean, I understand her pain, but seriously.
Now, I know these are all fictional TV characters, but is the popularity of the show (especially with women) due to women relating to these characters? And is that a bad thing? Is the show popular because women look at these characters and idealize the relationships and lives they have, make them their own…and is that a good thing?
Sex and the City taught us that it was OK to be single and 30+ and fabulous. And I agree with that. Why should you feel like less of a person, less of a woman, if you’re single and not married by the ticking time bomb of 30+? But, the fact that women had to be told that it was OK, that’s where it bothers me. You know what I mean?
And Grey’s, in the back of my mind, validates that women are weak. The women let the men run the show. Meredith slept with George then couldn’t do anything about it when he stopped talking to her for weeks. Alex didn’t kiss Izzy on their first date, so she just got mad about it until he did. Christina is so detached and cold sometimes that she pushes Burke away.
I’m not sure if it’s a reflection of our society, in a subconsious way…or if it’s just a few examples of dysfuntional relationships that gets everybody interested. It’s like watching a train wreck. Even other popular shows feature weak women characters…Friends, Will & Grace, even older shows like Dawson’s Creek. The only “strong woman” show I can think of is Alias. Even that show Commander in Chief got cancelled.
So here we are, all mindlessy watching these entertaining and good shows…but are we really seeing what’s there?
Popularity: 48% [?]
No Response for "Women Behaving Badly"
Nice post. I’m actually re-watching the finale of SATC right now… so your observations on female characters is very timely.
I love Grey’s. But I have been so disappointed with Meredith herself this year. I know I’ve been in the same heartbreak place she’s in, but her depression and neediness this year have made her nearly an intolerable characer. I love Cristina and Izzy, although I thought Izzy went a bit crazy over Denny (poor Denny). I feel for Addison. At first, she was the cold enemy, but she has warmed so much this year.
I think any show about relationships has to show the characters’ vulnerabilities, and with a show that has a primarily female audience they probably have ot make the women be the most relatable, ie the most vulnerable and troubled.
Yeah I agree about relationships and vulnerabilities, but I guess my main point was…are those relationships on TV a reflection of ourselves? Or is our reality a reflection of what’s on TV?
I couldnt agree with this post more…I like Grey’s bc its entertaining tv but I cannot stand the whiny characters and people that dont just ACT on what they are thinking. Or go get therapy or SOMETHING. No one of us are perfect and hell maybe I look the most like Carrie from SATC but I related most to Miranda…she was human to me…
Not a whore, not a prude, maybe the addicted to the job thing is off but she was real.
If the Meredith Grey’s of the world are real, then I feel a deep rooted sadness for them–Bc Ladies, we deserve more than a married man who loves you but cant leave his wife that cheated on him.
CMON.
This is why I love Kate from Lost…shes strong, shes like a puppy sometimes, but she has a voice.
PS…In terms of SATC…I felt connected to each of them besides Charlotte bc there is NO Charlotte in me…but I adored her the most. Is that weird?
I think it’s a slightly distorted reflection of who we are. It obviously does not capture us as a whole.
I mean, Meredith has some very strong, lasting DADDY ISSUES and it reflects deeply in her sex life – continuing to seek the love and affection of men. Hell, George even looks like her father and acts the same way to some degree. I don’t think it fair to say that the majority of women have her issues. When she and Finn were discussing scary baggage, her baggage is far, far scarier.
Addison – she’s got her own issues. Her husband was indifferent to her and she strayed with McSteamy. But Derek isn’t the kind of guy you let go of. Addison is not the norm – most women don’t stay around when their men have evened the score and cheated on them, or if they cheat on their men. But Addison is a kind of hope – there is power in forgiveness and we should be seeking it. For her, though, it is just probably too late… DOA, if you ask me.
Cristina’s coldness is a quirky reflection of the hyper-competitive career-driven woman. She’s unusually cold, but I think she’s thawing. A little…
Izzy… leads with her heart and we should have seen it coming since Addison forced her to take care of one of the sextuplets that was going to die on her anyway. I actually did, but hoped for better, for her sake (and because Denny was so damned charming). But the passive aggressive thing with Alex… that, I think, is the norm. Izzy is most like us. And this is still very sad.
You really write some good stuff.
I think that t.v. shapes what we think relationships “should be” and validates things that don’t need to be validated. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Sex and the City in SMALL DOSES is about all I can take. Frankly, I find that instead of empowering women, it sort of did the opposite in my eyes. The only one I had any respect for was Miranda.
That whole thing with Carrie moving with the Russian off to Paris. WTF? Shit, I wouldn’t move from Dupont to Logan Circle for a man. But perhaps that’s why I’m single. And that’s fine. The women on that show made compromises, and went way far beyond what I would ever do for a man. Remember when Carrie was talking to Big outside his limo when he was in there with his soon to be new wife? Jesus Christ. What the hell. I would have never gone near them, no matter how in love I was. Or when she blew off Miranda (who ends up meeting Steve that night anyway) for Big? Good lord women. Get a clue.
I don’t watch any t.v. now so I can’t speak to the Grey’s thing. I’m more into HGTV and Food Network, and okay, CMT. Fine, all I watch is CMT. Until they put that damn Coyote Ugly thing on, then I have to vomit.
Good lord. I just scanned the comments before I was about to hit publish and realize KassyK and I are on the same page, yet again, this time about Miranda. Too funny.
I have no idea why I like Grey’s. I watch it and zone out during Meredith’s long monologues about the lessons of life. She’s the lead character, and somehow the most boring and least likeable of all.
But I STILL watch it every week! (And I hardly even watch tv)
I think both SATC and Grey’s are trying to make some sort of point about where women are in current society. We’re liberated, we can be really successful, but that changed outlook on relationships. We no longer rely on men, but we still want them. Now we’re really picky. And in that may be our problem.
Aside from that, bad relationships and hilarious dating stories make for great tv.
I think to an extent we have been taught to believe that drama and conflict breed romance and intimacy.
How many times have we seen relationships on screen that are littered with drama only to end up happy go lucky by the end. So, I think a lot of women are convinced that if there isn’t drama it isn’t a great romance.
Contentment, understanding, good communication, honesty and being true to yourself are not things you see on TV, but yet they are what every PhD says makes a good relationship.
Grey’s is a great show. But I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, if you are modeling any part of your life after what you see on TV, you’re in for the big let down. TV is life in a vacuum, real life is anything but.
Velvet-You and me baby….dont know if its a natural thing or a shared experience thing but I feel you 100%
I think to an extent we have been taught to believe that drama and conflict breed romance and intimacy.
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So true.
I think the characters on G.A. are a bolder version of how a lot of women really are, and thats why a lot of people can relate.
I know so, so many people who have involved with someone that was married, myself included. Obviously not a time I’m proud of and would never return to, but it’s the truth. Daddy issues are also VERY much present among a lot of women in our generation.
I know a lot of girls who are emotionally dysfunctional and just can’t open up to a man for whatever reason.
I also know quite a few who have had turbulent relationships involving cheating (on both sides), and have managed to forgive and attempt at moving beyond. Again, myself included.
And then of course the Izzy types. I know a few of them, although I don’t usually get along with them becaues of their matter-of-fact attitudes.
Women can relate to these characters on some kind of level, and if a girl can relate, then she’ll be hooked on the show.
I believe there is a lot more dysfunction in regards to relationship than we’d care to admit. Why? Because if we admit we’re dysfunctional, we’ll be wrong since society has try to set a standard of how love/relationships should be. It’s all bullshit in my opinion.
As long as women are happy in the relationships they choose to be in, then who really cares what kind of image tv shows are sending out to others? People are going to do what they want to do regardless of any kind of outside influence.
I actually know a bunch of women who live their lives just like Grey is in the show and just for the reason of them doing things just to make them feel more “alive.” To me it’s total BS. I don’t understand why they insist that living with such self-inflicted torture and angst is the only way to feel alive. To me they are just more of a new breed of women who fall into a category that can only be described as “The most stupid smart women in the world.”
Crazygirl – that’s just it: are these people really happy in these relationships?
You are right about the daddy issues, especially with the advent of divorces being culturally acceptable. I must be a freak, bc my parents are still married.
There are lots of ways to relate, but the image isn’t picture perfect.
I think the “get a clue” message is lost in the relating. They become our “friends” and we always tolerate bullshit from our friends that we don’t from other people… so in a way, we allow our standards and goals to slip and make dysfunction a norm.
these shows help us examine and re-evaluate our own actions. the hammer thing – that’s so me. the finale of GA – so me. the SATC finale – i wanted that to be me . . . we like to play multiple roles and in some ways we’re forced to do just that – strong independent women in search of stronger man to make us feel like we’re more like the women in movies.
ms. independent you hit the nail on the head . . .
I think America can see good writing when it hits them. That’s why the OC was great…and that’s also why America turned on it when it started sucking. People are smart. If Grey’s gets too over-the-top, people will bail.
IMO, shows that portray women as weak, emotionally dysfunctional, and generally psycho are popular because
(1) they validate real life women who truly are this way that they’re “OK” (even though it’s obvious to the rest of us that they’re not);
(2) they validate the misogynists and/or commitmentphobes out there who want to keep telling themselves that women are bad, there’s something wrong with them, avoide them at all costs;
(3) they create expectations that women should put up with all sorts of crap from men and feel lucky these guys are even paying attention to them, which makes women with low self-esteem and guys with asshole complexes feel good.
Sadly, I think it’s a case of reality starting to reflect TV, and it’s not doing anyone any favors.
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