We’ve all seen a shift in the past 10 (or more) years with what being single means and how relationships are handled. You could say it started with Sex & the City, but I think it started way before that show got big. It’s created books like The Hookup Handbook and also UnHooked.

Beyond books and blogs, it’s become an even bigger cultural shift. Hot on the radio now is Nelly Furtado’s Promiscuous, with lyrics like “promiscuous boy, you already know that I’m all yours, what are you waiting for?” and even the Pussycat Dolls with Buttons, I mean, it should be a natural route for a 15 year old to be singing “I’m telling you to loosen up my buttons baby” to turn into a 21 year old that doesn’t have a clue about how to handle a hook up vs. a relationship. Granted, it’s not that today’s lyrics are any more sexual than yesterday’s “I wanna sex you up” and “let’s talk about sex,” but I think the message has changed.

Now, I’m fine with just hooking up with someone, which I think is a healthy attitude and can definitely be beneficial to a person’s growth and experiences - but I’m not saying it doesn’t come with a price. You may have fun for awhile, but when do you draw the line? It’s funny because I never thought I would be the kind of girl to ever have a one night stand, or to ever have a hook up buddy or friend with benefits. But, it’s slowly creeping up on me that now I’ve had more of those encounters than real relationships. And, while I don’t mind that things have turned out that way, I have to wonder if it’s just me, or everyone else as well that is experiencing this.

With hooking up - eventually someone might get attached. It’s most often thought of as the girl, but I’ve seen it happen to the guy too. I count some of my long term hook ups as relationships of a sort. Although I’ve never “really” dated the guys, I’m friendly with them - some I really am/was friends with, some I pretended to be friends with, and some we didn’t even pretend that we were more than just fuck buddies. It all really depends on the person and the situation. I think when it becomes a long term hook up over a period of time (even if it’s not necessarily consistent, say once a week, or twice a month, or whatever it may be) then in a way it becomes a relationship that has to be maintained. You talk about your lives, you may go out with the person once in awhile, but it never crosses over into a real relationship because one or both partners may not really want that. So, it toes the line above platonic friend (or even “friend” at all) and quite below possible love interest or boyfriend/girlfriend material, into the much debated gray area of the hook up.

Maybe it’s just the way relationships are going to be from now on. Sure, some hook ups may turn into something real, and some relationships may not have even began as a hook up. Obviously many relationships begin and end up “normal” and many that started out as a casual thing become more. It’s not a pure black and white scenario, and never will be I don’t think. Through it all though, technology has admittedly created a faster, less formal and more casual way of communicating on all levels, including dating. How is it that some people can have 200+ friends on sites like MySpace and Facebook, but in reality the idea of “close” friends is apparently shrinking (although I have to say mine seems to have grown)?

I feel like dating and even love now involves less risk, less commitment (of time and emotion) and less communication. Maybe all this hooking up is just an elaborate effort of the “me” generation to get what they want (instant gratification through sex etc…) and not get hurt in the process.

It may work, but I’m not sure it makes it alright.

“You know I like the way you are, but if we don’t cut deep we never will scar…when I desert you, I know it won’t hurt you, cause it was just a casual thing…” ~ Eli Goldsmith