No, I’m not talking about winning the lottery. Or even about placing your bets in Vegas. I’m talking about THE number. The one that both everyone talks about, and nobody mentions.

Of course, I’m talking about the number of people you have slept with. On my vacation, one of the books I read was 20 Times a Lady by Karyn Bosnak, who also wrote one of my favorite books Save Karyn*. The premise is a young 30-something gal who has an unfortunate epiphany that she has now slept with 20 men (twice the “national average”) and is nowhere near finding Mr. Right. She goes on a haphazard trip across the country to track down each and every man she’s slept with, to make certain that there was no spark still flying and no husband to hunt down.

In addition to being funny and light (and carrying a few typos!), the book of course got me thinking about my own past experiences. I actually keep a pretty extensive list. It includes everyone I’ve ever kissed, had sex with, or any combination in between. I make little notes about each one, and even rate them sometimes (God, I hope none of them ever find this post). I am nothing if not thorough. Haha.

There are of course people in your gallery of hook ups that you would like to forget, but even so, I never regret anything that I do in the boudoir. Chalk it all up to experience I guess. As much as I would like to, I can’t discount the one night stand I had on spring break (OK, two of them), because it taught me that hey – sometimes a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. I can’t discount the “steady” hook up I’ve been sleeping with off and on for three years, no matter how bad for me he is. I can’t discount the really bad hook ups, or even the really good ones. It’s all a part of the choices I’ve made in life, and the decisions I have to live with – the whole idea of keeping a tally of your number is really a good look into your psyche and how you handle a lot of situations in life. Life is all about choices and consequences, I think – and what better example than the bedroom notch?

According to the movie American Pie (and maybe Mean Girls), most people never really disclose their number. Guys may multiple by 3, girls may divide by 3. Of course that’s all due to society’s double standard of “sluts and studs”** and what makes someone a real “lady” or “gentleman” vs. a typical frat boy or sorostitute. I’m not sure if that double standard will ever disappear, no matter how empowered and sexually confident women become. Of course there is a fine line between 10 people and 100 people…but should there be? What if that’s just how you are, and who you are? I don’t know…it’s a personal preference I guess.

As for me, I’m pretty honest about my number on a need to know basis. I’m not ashamed. Once upon a time I thought it was too low, and once I thought it was too high; and then suddenly I just became comfortable with it, with myself and sexuality and decisions…and just let it go. In the scheme of things, if you strip it of its supposed power and societal connotations – it really is just a number.

* Obviously quite inspirational
** Lord, I’m worried what my sitemeter searches will show

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