So, I have this ex-boyfriend who is now married. I’ve discussed him before, and we remain good friends. We don’t get to talk that much anymore, but we’re still on good terms. He and his wife have had a lot of problems over the past couple years (mostly because she was 17 when they got married and she is immature, and total trailer trash besides that) and I’ve helped him through it - just by being an outside person to vent to.

Anyway, on Friday night/Saturday morning I came home to a message on Myspace that seemingly came from him, only I know it didn’t. This is what it said:

I was woundering if you could send me your number so we could talk hope to hear from you soon.
Love Always B

Now, first of all, he would never write me something that retarded. Second of all, he would never misspell the word “wondering.”

I knew something was up so I emailed his Army email and let him know that I got that message, and that I didn’t think it was from him.

I came home on Saturday to an IM from him which said that he was sorry he had to write me that message and that she was standing over his shoulder and made him write it. It also said something about “please reply and just say something about how you’re sorry and would never disrespect me or A (”A” is his wife), and it won’t happen again. Because she will see it. Good job recognizing I didn’t send the first message.”

So, I logged into Myspace and saw what he meant…

AM,
That last message was sent by A. She was rightfully upset about the content and volume of your messages and comments. They were inappropriate, considering I am a married man. They were largely the reason why I removed all of the females from my friends list previously. Then when I sent everyone friend requests again you sent me the one message about playing halo. At the end of the message you put something along the lines of “Have a good one baby! MUAH!” After that I believe I sent you a message telling you to tone everything down and you have done so in your comments. They, however, are still flirtatious in nature and whatever happened between us in the past is, well…in the past. I know we have known each other for a little over 10 years now and because of that you should have enough respect for me and my wife. I perceive the way you talk as the way I’ve always heard you talk and when I was single, it was harmless. I believe that it is still harmless. However, it is an unnecessary nuisance for me or A to have to deal with wondering what your intentions are. In the military, perception is reality and most of my friends on myspace are people I work with or have worked with and they know my wife. So if they see something like that then they might get the wrong impression and that may lower their respect for me. So…for now you will remain on my friends list but I ask you as a friend to keep your comments to yourself or else I will just have to stop talking to you altogether. I’m sorry I wasn’t more explicit with my instructions to you before but I didn’t expect your flirtatious personality to keep getting the best of you. Hopefully we won’t have any more problems in the future.
Later,
B

Now, please tell me that is not a hilarious piece of shit. In fact I think the whole thing is a little insulting and kind of offensive. I think my favorite parts include the idea about perceptions and being in the military, followed by my “flirtatious personality” getting the best of me, even though he believes it to be harmless. Oh, and also the whole idea that apparently I still want him after 10 years (which was, as he said, in the past), by writing a stupid comment that I would have left on anyone’s page - including a girl’s! Let’s also point out the fact that the comment he referenced (with the MUAH) was left in MAY, on his birthday. And since then have only left two messages, dumb ones at that - talking about playing Halo! I also enjoy the fact that he admitted that she made him take all of his female friends off his friends list (which is true) and the fact that I should “follow instructions” if I want to remain his friend.

This, is further proof as to why girls can be stupid psycho bitches, and why you shouldn’t be 24 and married to some girl who is barely 19. Now, I understand if I really had been a severe threat or even wanted him in some way…but seriously she has no reason to even bitch about me at all. Anyway, I thought the whole situation was funny and wanted to share the laughs.

I’m not sure which is worse…the fact that she “made” him write that to me, or that fact that he did it. In any case, I didn’t respond, and I’ll just wait until he can get online and IM me and we can talk. I feel like yes, our little relationship was 10 years ago in 9th grade…but I don’t feel that to continue our friendship we should have to revert back to 9th grade behavior.

Maybe when he grows up and grows some balls then we can be friends again.