The Only Difference

Oct 26, 2006 Author: Larissa | Filed under: Dating, Relationships, Religion

So, I have a question to throw out to the blogosphere…what kinds of differences in a relationship are acceptable, and what can’t be worked out? Does it depend on the person?

For example, if you are a die-hard Republican and you date someone who is fairly liberal…will that work? What about if you are Muslim and your partner is Catholic. Or Jewish and Mormon?

I’ve always thought that while opposites can (and do) attract, that most relationships are between similar people. People of similar values, backgrounds, socio-economic status, etc…

But where is the line between acceptable conflict and irreconcilable differences?

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No Response for "The Only Difference"

DC Cookie October 26th, 2006 at 11:55 am 1

I don’t believe it’s about differences, but about a person’s willingness to accept and compromise.
Leaf October 26th, 2006 at 12:23 pm 2

I don’t think it is so much the differences as it is the intensity with which each person takes to their beliefs. I have dated both similar and different and see the good and bad in both. Some differences are easy to notice and hard to overcome for instance I being Jewish have dated a Mormon (2 dates) a Baptist (2 months) and a Catholic (a long time). It wasn’t necessarily their religions that made the relationships fail but the ideological differences that they believed in strongly that were hard to overcome. And as relationships become more serious the small differences become harder to overcome. Which is why you see people moving towards people with similar backgrounds as they get older. Even though being too similar can possibly lead to a lack of excitement. I am currently doing something I dont want to classify as dating, because I dont date, a girl who is very similar to me. And it makes things easy but sometimes too predictable.

Final thought after this long winded response, the more you can agree on the less you can fight about.
Twoste October 26th, 2006 at 12:29 pm 3

I once dated a Shaolin nun but we realized after a while that we had nothing in common.
Paige Jennifer October 26th, 2006 at 12:35 pm 4

I met my last beau on JDate. That should mean he’s Jewish, right? Yeah, he was less Jewish than the Pope. Sometimes even similarities turn out to be differences. I agree with Cookie – it’s all about compromise.
Sex & Moxie October 26th, 2006 at 3:33 pm 5

I think it depends on the two people’s committment to the relationship. Look at Arnold and Maria Shriver.
chicgirl October 26th, 2006 at 11:05 pm 6

i used to be more close-minded. That is gone and now it floors me when people are not more open. I just dated someone who had issues with the fact that politics wasn’t my number 1 topic and that I wasn’t rugged enough on the outside. hmmmm… too bad for him!

I like cookie’s thought process and agree with it.
Anonymous October 27th, 2006 at 12:55 am 7

Lurker– and now officially commenter.

I’m a VERY liberal woman now engaged to a defense-spending-loving-tax-hating Republican. But, honestly, it hasn’t been a problem. We accept that politics isn’t a lifestyle.

Frankly, the biggest three problems I ran into while dating:

1) Guys with different family backgrounds. I realize how blessed I am to come from a family where both parents are still together. But they had to work hard to stay together. Through unemployment, family tragedy, many things. I think it has given me an ability to work things out more than many.

2) Men who earned less than I did. HUGE problem. MUCH insecurity every single time from guys. I could honestly say it led to the end of 3-4 decent relationships. Men need to feel like “men”, and when I earn more than them, there’s a certain level of insecurity.

3) At least a bachelor’s degree or desire to get one. As much as I had fun in college, there’s a certain outlook on life that you get from that four year experience. Yes, I paid for mine, and yes, he can pay for hers. But it was often less about the having a degree than the desire to have one.

Now I’ll step off my soapbox. Hope this question is precipitated by happy things!
Asian Mistress October 27th, 2006 at 9:52 am 8

Thanks all – yeah I definitely think it’s a question of agreeing to disagree.

We’ll see what happens!
Anonymous October 27th, 2006 at 9:58 am 9

I think acceptable conflict is when two people don’t necessarily see eye to eye on something, but can still debate it with poise and intelligence, never stepping on the other person’s toes simply to get an edge on the argument. If, however, you don’t see eye to eye on things like how the other person treats you, what you want out of life versus what they want, etc…then I think it’s time to move on.
minijonb October 31st, 2006 at 4:29 pm 10

i always thought that differences like religion and favorite flavor of ice cream were easy to work out and things like politics and what side of the bed you want to sleep on should match. but i’m going through a divorce right now, so what the hell do i know!?!