A formerly anon blogger, trying to make it honest
One thing I really hate about dating is the idea of rules. Maybe it’s because I’m young and don’t know any better, but I have a few ideas about the first few weeks of dating and how to handle things. And I’m constantly unsure of if I’m playing “the game” right or not.
For one, how much is too much? Contact that is. If he calls you, should you call back right away? Do you wait? How long do you wait? If you call him, then he doesn’t answer…how long do you wait before you figure he isn’t interested?
You don’t want to look desperate or pressed by being the one to call him necessarily, especially if you’re not even sure if or how much you like him. Then again you don’t want to look uninterested in case you really are (interested). Maybe it’s the fact that everyone has a defense mechanism set up for rejection so that gets in the way of getting anywhere.
What about sex? How long should you wait to have sleep with him if you like him? If you want to date him? What about if you’re not sure yet if you want to date him or maybe just hook up with him? Then the rules can change and it doesn’t matter.
Then there’s the actual dating scenario. Who decides where to go when? Do you switch off or make it a mutual agreement?
Sigh…all these rules, three-day waiting periods before calling, three-date waiting periods before sex…I mean come on…what do you want guys? Do you care about the rules as they were, or do you just know when you know and throw the rules out?
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No Response for "A Question of Playing by the Rules"
Rules suck, and so does dating. I had three rules.
1) No kissing within 3 dates, then no chemistry. Strike out.
2) If she had no car or business card, strike out.
3) If I got a red flag in the first three dates, like she has 8 cats, then I was out.
Worked out OK for me. I really just tried to focu on having fun, and getting to learn about the person, rather than worrying about if it would work out. When I did that, it was much more enjoyable.
Men, unfortunately, are late to the game playing party in dating. Women have been playing games for a long time and men have just discovered that reversing the situation works in their favor! For example, I NEVER pick up the tab for a woman, usually try to insult her gently, do not call back, and always appear to be busy. And this is to a woman I’m interested in! And you know what? it drives them NUTS!! They are so used to a guy chasing them and trying hard to kiss ass so they can get into their pants, it bothers them when a guy doesn’t do any of that.
I must say, I did learn a lot from the book The Game by Neil Strauss and from other online resources.
Dating, unfortunately, has always been about playing games. Staying in a relationship, however, is the hard part and playing games is not the way to go about it. Its important to make a distinction between the two.
ArrrgggH! It’s this kind of talk that makes dating so painful…
Look, just ditch that way of thinking entirely. Throw it away. Out the window. Poof. Gone. Bye-BYE!
What does your gut tell you to do in any given situation based on previous experiences? If you can’t trust your instincts then you’re going to be miserable and end up in a crummy faux relationship that is completely contrived. That’s where “following the rules” will get you.
Someone once told me “12 dates” before completely giving it up (from the woman’s side).
: )
sex first night. decide if you should date after that. throw all rules out the window.
Men and women have been playing games since time immemorial. Men and women have always known how to push the other’s buttons. There is nothing new under the sun.
That said, some rules are there for a reason, although it’s hard to know when to break them. Especially the one about calling after 3 days – it’s too easy if you’re overly enthusiastic to smother someone else. But at the same time, if you’re into them and had a great time, and really felt the same, you should feel free to call the next day or email or something.
Eh. All the rules have foundation in reason, but flexibility is key – the trick is in knowing how to read people.
we’ve discussed this . . . and i’m note a fan of the rules, playing games or anything of that nature.
instead of thinking of it as rules, think of it as setting bounderies to give yourself time to get to know a person before jumping into something and doing something that you may regret later. if it takes you three minutes to decide that you want to sleep with someone and you will have no expectations, then so be it . . . but if you know that you want to save yourself from the hassle of bringing someone into your life to see them walk away however long later and you’re left discussing with your friends, what happenend, did you have sex too soon, did you say the wrong thing, call to often, etc. then so be it . . .
my point is this – being cautious with your timing on the front end will save you time, energy, etc. on the back end.–>
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