A Question of Vulnerability

Nov 17, 2006 Author: Larissa | Filed under: Dating, Relationships, Sex

I just read an interview in Cosmo where Katherine Heigl said the following, “…I’m not a saint, but I’ve learned my lessons about this sort of thing, and it’s not emotionally healthy for me to sleep around. I’ve definitely been with people I probably didn’t love, and I always felt really vulnerable in those situations.”

I do agree with that, and know that putting yourself in a not so desirable situation can leave you more susceptible to an unhealthy “relationship” and lowering your standards. But, I can also see another side of that. I feel a whole lot more vulnerable when I first start sleeping with someone that I really like, there is more at stake.

Maybe it’s because when you go into something knowing it’s just a hook up and nothing more, then you really have nothing to lose. But when it’s a relationship or something that’s REAL…then there is a lot more at stake. And to me, that makes me more vulnerable, and less likely to rush into anything. I know that sometimes in love you have to take a risk…so maybe that’s really all it is, letting yourself just go. But I know that when I really like someone, I’m less likely to give more of myself up (sexually or emotionally) because I need more time to evaluate the situation. Sure I don’t totally block myself off and put up walls, and I’m not a prude…but I’m just a little more careful about what I let myself do and say.

So, which is worse? Is it worse to be more vulnerable in a situation that you know is unhealthy and bad (as in a hook up only type of thing), or worse to feel more vulnerable when you’re really putting something into a potential relationship?

No Response for "A Question of Vulnerability"

KassyK November 18th, 2006 at 8:00 pm 1

I’m not sure which is worse…probably going into it knowing you will end up getting hurt eventually (no matter how much we tell ourselves we are knowingly walking into it–it still often hurts). While letting go and being crushed is devastating (I have been there)…ultimatley its probably the better bet.
Aileen November 19th, 2006 at 12:20 am 2

I’m confused. I’m not too sure what “hook up only” kind of deal really means. Do we really do this feeling 100% sure that we won’t get involved? Are you talking one night stand, or ongoing hookup? Personally, I don’t think I’ve been able to master the ability to disconnect emotional involvment from sexual involvement (though I wish I could!)
Siryn November 28th, 2006 at 1:51 am 3

Since most women cannot, despite proclamations to the contrary, screw like a man and dissociate sex from love, it is worse to go into it knowing that you will get hurt, IMO. Or going into it thinking you are just using the guy, but ending up being used.

I think that the vulnerability Katherine Heigl meant cannot be the same as the one that comes from real intimacy - and not just with lovers or partners. We make ourselves vulnerable to our friends, family… people with whom we have trust and bonds. All good relationships involve vulnerability, the ability to let your guard down.

This is not the same, and the answer IMO is a no-brainer. Subjecting yourself to anything you know is unhealthy is dumb, but making yourself vulnerable in the right context is always going to be okay.