A formerly anon blogger, trying to make it honest
So, last Friday I had a date with a guy. Pretty normal, we had a good time at dinner and then afterwards made plans to get together on Sunday night, as we were both busy the rest of the weekend. Before this, we had been talking since Wednesday night, and made plans to get together Friday. If it matters, I met him online.
On Saturday around 4 pm I got a text from him saying that his friends had bailed on him, and if I wanted to do something. I wasn’t completely set in my plans, so I let him know that I didn’t know what I was doing - nothing definite, but he was welcome to come meet me if he wanted to. We had a few more back and forth texts including him saying around 6:30 pm, “tomorrow we are good to go just let me know about tonight. I thought you were a planner.” I didn’t answer this because I was busy babysitting and at dinner until about 9:30 pm, during which he texted me at 9:15 pm and said “so I assume you are not going out” because he hadn’t heard back again from me. I then wrote him an hour later when I got home and said “hey, I don’t think I’m going to go out, I have a busy day tomorrow and a lot to do. What time and where do you want to meet up tomorrow?” He responded with “uggg” to which I said “uggg? Sorry I’m being lame I just don’t feel like going out. Besides don’t you have to rest up for golf tomorrow?”
This was his response: “Well, that and not letting me know until ten and then yesterday we are on a date and you aren’t sure if you are going to stay on the date or go with your friends. None of this is very flattering.”
Are you kidding?
I responded and said “I wasn’t keeping you from doing anything. I just don’t feel like going out. I’m planning on dinner or something tomorrow as we said last night when we made that plan.”
On Sunday, I decided to give him one more chance, so I texted him and asked if he still wanted to do anything. He said “Sorry, don’t really feel like it.” So, I decided to not sink to his immature/trying to guilt trip me attitude and responded with “OK, maybe another time talk to you later” and pretty much decided it was all done.
Was I being a bitch? I don’t think so. Because…
1. I was honest with him, I told him I wasn’t sure of my plans, and had even hinted earlier I kind of wanted to just stay in. I don’t get why his plans had to revolve around me. While I do understand maybe I should have been faster to respond, why was he sitting around waiting on me?
2. I don’t understand why he felt the need to call me and hang out on Saturday in the first place, when we alreay had plans for Sunday. I mean, I just met you, I don’t want to or need to see you three nights in a row. Even if your plans fell through, like seriously - sit at home and chill, pretend to have a life. Don’t rely on some girl you just met to make or break your plans, then throw a hissy fit about it. Rule number one, it’s OK if you like someone and want to talk to them or see them. It’s not OK to stalk them, guilt trip them and annoy them. I mean, maybe he thought the more/sooner I saw him, the sooner I would hook up with him.
3. As for the Friday night after dinner he referred to, the reason I was so “back and forth” was because he wasn’t decisive either. I had a friend in Arlington, I asked him if he wanted to go meet up with them, he said no (we had talked about going to another bar and doing this before). OK fine. So, then I thought well maybe we can hang out more and asked if he wanted to go to a movie or something. We picked up an Express and looked at times, nothing showing worth seeing. Then he asked me if I wanted to come back to his house and I said no. It was then that we made plans to see each other on Sunday. That should have been the end of it.
4. Aside from all this, he had been all up my ass before we even went on the date on Friday. Thursday we were IMing at work and he left to go lunch saying “feel free to text me if you want I’m sure it will be boring.” Um, no thanks, that’s OK. I don’t need to text you for no reason. He also sent me a couple random texts Thursday evening…no meaning or reason. Nice to be in touch and interested, but…annoying overall.
So anyway…this is further proof as to why I’m still single, and as to why dating is horrible. Of course, one more bad date is no reason for me to write off all dates (and I’m not), but still…I don’t know where or how I attract these losers. It’s either guys who are completely unavailable, or ones that are too available.
I have come to the conclusion that a few of the guys I have gone out with and/or dated who have ended up a little on the clingy and/or psycho side (like the one who after 3 dates asked me “what are we?” among other things)…are guys who move to the DC area from another state. They may have a few friends in the area, but then they meet a girl that they think is nice and cute and they get along with…and suddenly they are glued to your side.
I think I did everything right with this guy, and he tried to guilt me into thinking I was being a bitch and playing games. Really, I think he was the one being immature and needy. Besides, any normal guy would be happy that I have a life and I’m doing my own thing. And, after one date…no need to get bitter over anything. Maybe I’m being too hard on these guys, but I’m pretty sure in this particular instance, it was right for me to run the other way.
Conclusion: this is why I don’t date.
No Response for "A Brief Return to the Dating World…and Retreat"
The dude sounds like a psycho. Don’t call him back. In my experience, there aren’t too many quality guys on the internet. It’s best to meet them the old-fashioned way. Meeting guys online is super easy, but it will only dissapoint.
On to the next one. GOod for you. You are starting to cycle the bad ones out quicker. It means you’re getting ready.
Yeah, this one doesn’t pass the smell test. He should’ve just gone and done his own thing that night - and you’re right, guys who aren’t able to entertain themselves are a problem. Onward and upward. Or at least more enjoyable nights with Netflix.
Dude, what is up with text-conversations? Such a waste of my precious time and money :p That whole conversation you had could have been 10 seconds on the phone!
My date raffle winner is clingy too. He won’t leave me alone with his text messaging. And I don’t even like him, which makes it even more annoying. Doesn’t make me very confident about what’s out there when I really decide to date.
men. can’t live with them. can’t live without them. any guy who hides behind texts you don’t want anyway.
Damn, is this the kind of thing you girls have to deal with often in the dating world? No wonder women are so wary of guys.
I hear stories from girls I know about stuff like this and I always wonder who these sketchy guys are.
I’m sure he feels a bit insecure that you aren’t head over heels for him. Of course it would be silly for you to feel that way already, he’s just being immature.
so if immaturity doesn’t bother you, then keep at it. But maybe you’d prefer to date men and not boys?
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