I was thinking last night about relationships and life. I look around at other couples (ones I know and ones I don’t) and I think, how do they do it? There are so many of my friends who are still struggling, still seeking. We’re all searching for that perfect relationship, the one that we think will knock us off our feet. I guess the question is, is it real?

Have all these people found IT, and are done? Or are they just settling? Maybe that’s too cynical of me, but sometimes I look at people and think how do they do it? How does it work for them? What makes it different than what I have, or have had?

In my experience, the feeling of head over heels falling in love, crawling out of your skin crazy for them…isn’t always real. I think that love is much deeper than that. But, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe you should have that, and should always have that feeling about the one you’re supposed to be with. But to me, that head over heels feeling is more infatuation, it’s the other things (intimacy, commitment, understanding, openness, caring) that come into play that make it true love.

triangular_theory_of_love_2

There are different types of love - and there are three components that should be there: intimacy, passion and commitment. Does every relationship that works have that? All the time, from the beginning? Is that the magic formula?

Various combinations of these components result in different kinds of love: (1) liking (intimacy), (2) infatuation (passion), (3) empty love (decision/commitment), (4) romantic love (intimacy and passion), (5) compassionate love (intimacy and decision/commitment), (6) fatuous love (passion and decision/commitment), (7) consummate love (which includes all three components - the best of all), and (9) non-love (the absence of any of the three components).

Aside from the relationship aspect, it’s just life in general I wonder about. I have friends that range from 26-36 who are still trying to figure out life. I’m not saying that there is a certain age limit to knowing what you want, and how to get it…or, getting it. I’m also not saying that people can’t change and grow and change directions of their life.

rat_race

And I think, maybe sometimes, I’m not happy. Don’t get me wrong, my life is great. And I am lucky. But, certain things about my life and decisions I make seem to always drag me down. And, it’s up to me to change them. Right? I’m the only one with the control over my life, and what I can do. However, it’s hard for me to think for myself. I always ask opinions of friends, and I always end up wondering if I’m doing something for ME, or for someone else. Maybe that’s just immaturity on my part.

We all like to think that one day, it all comes together. It makes sense. Suddenly we’ll have all the answers. And maybe it’s just because I’m young that I’m feeling this way and thinking about this stuff. But, I wish I knew more.

Hah, and this was my horoscope today:

You are blessed with common sense now and you know what you are feeling and what to do about it. Your feelings are rather large today, and they might not fit appropriately into the narrow social context of your current life. If you’re not sure of exactly what’s going on, at least try not to react so strongly. Remember, a steady hand is better than a forceful one.