I have noticed lately that in the workplace, women get asked questions that men never do. Questions such as, “are you more career-oriented or family-oriented” and “How to you plan to manage work and family life?” If you are a man and have ever been asked this question in a corporate setting (interview or otherwise), then please, let me know. If my assumptions are correct, then it is still women that are being asked these kinds of questions and NOT men. How does that work, in this day and age of “equality” in the workplace?

I’ve written before about feminism and glass ceilings in the workplace, but this is a little bit different. To me, it’s a low blow. I am offended if people ask me those kinds of questions, because it second guesses me and if I will be able to do my job or not. Also because, at this point in my life, I’m not sure. I don’t know when I’m going to get married or have children, or what I will want to do with my career at that point. And, why should I have to know that now? Why is that relevant now for the next say, two or three years? Sure, maybe someone got burned before by a woman who left a position because she got married, or got pregnant. But, is that any different than a man leaving for the same reason? His wife is moving, or they decided that he would stay home with the children. No, but I am willing to bet that a man would never get asked about his intentions to mix work and family obligations and how he planned to tackle that. I know plenty of women who have considered this, but how many men out there have?

There was an article recently that highlighted the issue of a lack of women in boardrooms across the country. I agree that still, there is a problem in that women are not properly groomed and trained to be good executives. It’s hard for women to find good role models, and also be given the opportunity to really know how to properly balance that work and family life. There is the school of thought that a woman who is too career minded cannot properly care for her family, and also the idea that a woman who stays home is degrading herself by not “really” working (though ask anyone who does it, and being a homemaker is not sitting around eating bon-bons all day either) and contributing to setting women the women’s movement back.

All of this leads me to wonder, what am I going to do? How are the choices I make now changing (or reversing) choices that my mother made? And how are they going to affect my daughters?

So I’ve come to the conclusion that a whole lot of the 20-somethings (and others) I know have one main issue…they don’t know how to date. There’s a definite problem and a shift in social standards with regards to dating.

My mom always says that since we all grew up with “group” dates and “casual” dates, that we don’t really know how to court in the traditional sense. There are probably millions of us running around confused, not knowing what to do, how to act, or what really defines a relationship. Sure, there are also millions of happily married and coupled people, who didn’t have the problem of an uncertain beginning. But, this is for the rest of us.

I think a lot of it stems from all of the stupid dating books, advice in magazines and blogs, and just general media speculation. Women think that life and love should be like an episode of Sex & the City, while men actually fear that women will be like that.

This train of thought was sparked by a conversation with a friend, where I was lamenting the fact that some recent dates had been at the guy’s house or at mine, rather than out at dinner or a movie or some other date-like event (have not slept together though). While I didn’t mind, I found myself saying, “I mean, what’s my problem? Who says that dating has to be all about wining and dining anyway? It doesn’t have to be. Just hanging out is fine. I did that in college with people I ‘dated’ so why does it need to be different now?”

She responded by saying that it’s sad that so many girls our age think that, that they don’t DESERVE to be taken out on a “real” date (whether the guy pays or not) and that it all just boils down to glorified hooking up, where maybe eventually it turns INTO a relationship. Instead of starting out with the thought of dating, it becomes something that evolves over time, stemming from often confusing semantics and situations. Neither men or women ever want to be the one to declare the status of “hanging out”, and there are so many terms for casual dating, that it’s hard to even tell if you’re actually dating.

What happened to actually getting to know a person? To wanting to impress them? Men and women are quick now to judge and dismiss, or to stay in relationships that neither of them are really that into, but deal with because it’s there. I’m not saying that there aren’t people out there who “date” in the traditional sense, but I find it increasingly harder to find. Suddenly the romantic notions of dating and relating have turned into whirlwind romances with never-ending drama and confusion. There are no more big gestures like standing outside with a radio blasting In Your Eyes.

Maybe I’m making it too hard, and thinking about it too much. And I need to just go with it. But, I feel like when someone really likes you, then you KNOW…and that women my age spend entirely too much time wasted on men who are NOT there. They are not really available, not really into them, and not really ready. But, still we analyze and try and make excuses. WHY?

There is something to be said for being a strong woman, and there are a lot of girls I know who look to say, Carrie Bradshaw and think that’s the way it should be. Um, can we please discuss the fact that she stayed in a relationship with a man who dangled her around for years, got married, cheated on his wife with her, and then FINALLY decided he was ready to be with her. Gee, we can all hope for that. Or even Meredith on Grey’s Anatomy, she is still going for the man who may or may not be ready to be with her. She chose the hard route (Dr. McDreamy) over the easier one (McVet).

Sure, these women are just figures on TV, but it’s all a reflection of society. I can’t even begin to count the numbers of women I see that are just passing by, dating duds and letting it happen. Then bitching about not finding a good man.

I think that everyone is too busy, too self-centered, and too worried about playing by the “rules” or playing the “game” to even know what they want, or how to get it. There are all these ways to communicate with one another, and yet people just aren’t communicating. You can have email, instant message, text message, and phone calls…but yet still not be able to talk to someone face to face. People are getting married later and later, and while I do think that it’s good to take the time to get to know yourself, and to be on your own…what do you do when you’re stuck in your ways and are less likely to compromise?

I worry about future generations, how are they going to act when it comes to dating. It almost makes me wish for the days of the past, where the man picked the girl up, they went to dinner or a movie, eventually they were “going steady” and then maybe, they would get engaged and married. There was structure, and there were rules. Now it seems, anything goes. But, it all seems to be going nowhere.

I read a book recently that touched lightly on one woman’s experience during the many protests of the Vietnam war. It made me think a little bit…where are our protests?

The war in Iraq has certainly been an issue near and dear to many people’s hearts, and also the cause for much controversy, both politically and globally.

But, although there have been many anti-war rallies, most have been peaceful. Which isn’t to say peaceful protest is a bad thing…but where is the indignation? Where are the people who are saying, “what is wrong with this picture?” and questioning the decisions that are being made that affect our country and the world? Why are college campuses not full of unified students, bright with energy and impossible ideals who want to change and help the world? How come protests against war and for peace come so few and far between, often nothing more than a small blip on the radar - even in our nation’s capital?

I feel that as a whole, our country too easily turns the other way, and is more concerned with rising gas prices than the cause for it, more worried about MySpace predators than violence in schools, more worried about getting richer than looking around to see those in poverty. I can’t say that I’m blameless in being self-absorbed. But sometimes when you take a look at the bigger picture, it’s all in vain. The world will continue on no matter how many members of Congress are exposed as pedophiles, no matter how many innocent children are murdered, and no matter how many families are grieving lost loved ones. The news is a fickle mistress, and with all of the constantly changing headlines, I wish that more people would start to open their eyes, and feel outraged and appalled at all that is going on in the world…and maybe, just maybe, try to do something about it.

Tonight I heard Keith Olbermann give his special comment in a biting and brutal message to our fearless leader, concering the President’s statement that Democrats and all others opposing his administration are weak on terror and in essence helping terrorists. He said that Bush’s words were basically a whole lot of negative, cowardly bullshit.**

I think what made Mr. Olbermann’s statement so clear to me, was his closing with the infamous Edward R. Murrow sign off, “Good night, and good luck.” It brings back the seriousness, the corruption, and the scandal of the McCarthy trials; and reminds me that there are still some journalists out there that remain a strong voice of dissent against the government, demand truth, and stand up for what is right.

Amen, Mr. Olbermann.

**an excert of the comments**

“You have dishonored your party, sir; you have dishonored your supporters; you have dishonored yourself.

But tonight the stark question we must face is — why?

Why has the ferocity of your venom against the Democrats now exceeded the ferocity of your venom against the terrorists?

Why have you chosen to go down in history as the president who made things up?

In less than one month you have gone from a flawed call to unity to this clarion call to hatred of Americans, by Americans.

If this is not simply the most shameless example of the rhetoric of political hackery, then it would have to be the cry of a leader crumbling under the weight of his own lies.

We have, of course, survived all manner of political hackery, of every shape, size and party. We will have to suffer it, for as long as the Republic stands.

But the premise of a president who comes across as a compulsive liar is nothing less than terrifying.

A president who since 9/11 will not listen, is not listening — and thanks to Bob Woodward’s most recent account — evidently has never listened.

A president who since 9/11 so hates or fears other Americans that he accuses them of advocating deliberate inaction in the face of the enemy.

A president who since 9/11 has savaged the very freedoms he claims to be protecting from attack — attack by terrorists, or by Democrats, or by both — it is now impossible to find a consistent thread of logic as to who Mr. Bush believes the enemy is.

But if we know one thing for certain about Mr. Bush, it is this: This president — in his bullying of the Senate last month and in his slandering of the Democrats this month — has shown us that he believes whoever the enemies are, they are hiding themselves inside a dangerous cloak called the Constitution of the United States of America.”

…Searching for a job. Or, rather, searching for a job is like dating.

No, really, it is…

1. Not gonna leave unless it’s something really good. With most jobs, if you’re comfortable, you’re not likely to leave unless something amazing comes along. You may look around to see what else is out there, see what the market looks like. But there is no fire under your ass to get out there and get going. Similarly, if you’re comfortable with the single life, why would you give up that freedom to be chained down to someone for the unforseeable future? Do you really want to give up your Saturday night out with the boys to sit and watch chick flicks? Or do girls want to give up the comfort of not caring if you’re wearing granny panties or cute underwear in exchange for being in a relationship? Eh, only for something really, really good. Or, if you’re already in a relationship, the same rule applies…you can check out what the market looks like, but if you’re really happy then you’re not going to leave unless a new and better model comes along.

2. You don’t want to seem too desperate. After you interview somewhere that you’re really interested in, sometimes you’re struck with the desire to stalk down the recruiter/employer so they know that you’re REALLY REALLY interested and how GREAT you would be for the position. It could be due to a once in a lifetime opportunity, or simply because you just want to get the hell out of your current job. With dating, you of course don’t want to seem to eager or desperate. You carefully time your calls and emails, and make sure you don’t inundate the other person, that is, unless they are doing it right back to you. It’s a bit of a waiting game and a fine balancing act to both show your interest and wait to hear back from a potential employer, a game much like the dating game.

3. Looking good on paper. For online dating, someone can look great on paper, but the actual date/person you meet could be a nightmare. Even for non-online dating, someone could sound great to your friends (”she’s a hot model librarian” or “he’s an Ivy league lawyer”) - have all the things you’re looking for or want…and still have the same negative outcome. Looking “good on paper” is basically the same as having a kick ass resume. Either you live up to it or you don’t. But either way, you definitely want to make sure that even if it has the best bullshit possible on there, you can still deliver the goods.

4. Dress to impress. Dressing for a first date is a bit like dressing for a job interview. You don’t want to look too casual, or too slutty. You want to be dressed for the occasion - as in don’t wear sweats if you’re going to a nice restaurant (or, don’t wear sweats at all), and don’t wear pearls if you’re going to a baseball game. With a company, it’s often hard to really know the culture of the place you are interviewing at, so you go with the standby suit option. Tugging at a tie or pulling at a jacket the entire time is really not comfortable, but it’s expected - and then as you start working there, eventually you’re wearing jeans on Friday and not caring if you actually blow dried your hair or not. Kind of like how that girl will wear her highest heels and full makeup with her hair done for the first few dates, then slowly let it all fade as things progress. It all goes back to the first idea of being comfortable. Everyone likes to show off once in awhile, do the peacock strut of dating and impressing the opposite sex. So, when it comes to a job interview or initial date, it’s important to dress for success.

5. First impressions count. Along with the initial dress, first impressions count for a lot while job hunting/interviewing and dating. With a job, you look at things like firm handshakes and eye contact. With dating, it’s more about if the other person can carry on a conversation, if they are funny or down to earth, and whether or not she (or he) offers to split the bill (or, pay the bill). You want to make sure that the person is left feeling good, that they think, wow - he or she is great! If you’re left with a sour taste in your mouth, or a nagging feeling in your gut…chances are the person won’t make it to a second date, or a final interview.

The similarities could go on. But, what is this to say about our dating and professional lives? It’s been said before that a first date is like an interview…but who knew how far that assumption really went?

I’m sure there will be a flurry of posts about 9/11 over the next few days…and here are my thoughts…

For one, I saw that certain stations (some CNN) will be re-running the events live in their entirety, starting at 8:30 am tomorrow. Part of me thinks that it would be interesting to watch, with a more objective eye - as the events unfold…another part of me thinks that it’s a bit much…do we need to relive that all over again? I personally have no interest in watching the towers fall, and the Pentagon get hit, and all of the people who were hurt, killed, and lost loved ones. I mean, I know that things shouldn’t just be pushed aside and ignored…but shouldn’t there be a better way to honor heroes and remember lives lost than watching it happen all over again?*

Then of course there is the ABC mini-documentary that is under fire right now from many people. It’s too soon, we don’t have all the facts, the information is inaccurarte and it’s wrong to show, etc… Now, I’ll have to see it before I decide what I think…but it’s interesting that it has caused such an uproar. Perhaps because even though it’s a drama, it’s seen as more of a factual documentary as opposed to movies such as Flight 93 and World Trade Center.

And while it is important to remember this tragedy, it’s also going to fuel a lot more remembrance of the hatred and fear that many people felt causing the discrminiation against people from countries like Iraq and Afghanistan to be elevated yet again. Innocent people who don’t have ties to extremist groups or Muslims who follow the peace they seek are going to be seen as “taxi drivers by day and terrorists by night” all over again. Of course, there are those people among us who assimilate and do intend to cause harm to others…but no different than the person walking down the street planning to shoot a crowd of people, or the child bringing a gun to school, or even the other building bomb tragedies that have occured over the years. Which, is also to say, mostly done by caucasian males.

It’s hard to manage both remembering what happened and giving people the peace they desire. It’s difficult to separate threats from paranoia. And, it’s impossible to live now without the constant thought that someone, somewhere, is trying to hurt you. Airport travel, building security, and the way that people treat one another will perhaps never be the same, thanks to the war on terror and the miseducation of millions. Not to say that I know it all, or that I even understand everything…I too feel the annoyance and occasional slight fear of traveling on a plane, and I too notice when Muslims and other groups are discriminated against, and when more and more soldiers are dying.

To me, it’s not that the people who died on 9/11 “gave their lives to fight terrorism.” America didn’t completely know terror until 9/11, it wasn’t a daily part of our lives like it is for so many other people in the world. But, these people died because of terrorism, and now there are more dying in the war in Iraq because of it. Revenge is bittersweet. I’m not saying there is a clear or easy answer to any of this, and I’m not saying I’m right.

On this day tomorrow, and in the days that follow, I think it’s important to remember that we’re all in this together. We are all human - even extremist terrorist groups are someone’s brothers, fathers, sisters, mothers… and while many of the violent things that people do are unforgiveable and unfathomable…without taking a look at the bigger picture, nobody wins and nothing will ever be resolved. Maybe I’m just being an idealist and naive, but that’s what I think.

The strongest memory I have of 9/11, is of being on my college campus and the entire university coming together. The afternoon of, there was an elementary school style assembly in the theatre…and that night a candlelight vigil. Many students had parents and families in DC and NYC who were affected. I remember feeling the strength of so many gathered together in grief, confusion, and comfort. Some were angry and some were sad, and while it was a horrible reason to become one body, it was a powerful experience to all be bound by something that made us all the same.

So tomorrow, through the critics and the good and bad media coverage…just take a moment to remember that although it may be just another Monday…it also represents something much larger. America changed on 9/11/01…and I’m not sure if it will ever be the same.

*On a side note, don’t most people have to work? I mean, even if I wanted to sit and watch I couldn’t…