As we grow up, our tastes change. We learn to like (and love) different things, from food to types of music to various hobbies, and we learn to accept the things that we cannot change.

But through this evolution, how does love fit in? Can your definition of love change?

I think that we all have a base idea and concept of what love "is" or "should be" - and we certainly know it when we feel it. But, the love we feel when we’re 15 can be different than the love we feel at 25, or 30, or 40.

A long time ago I had a discussion with my (now) boyfriend about this subject. He asked me if I had loved my ex-boyfriend. I told him that I wasn’t sure, that I thought I did at the time, but now I didn’t know. That doesn’t mean that the feelings I had at the time were any less real, more that my personal idea of what love is has changed. For example, when you are 15, you may love someone because they are exactly like you…and when you’re 25 you may love someone because they are exactly opposite, and everything you are not.

It’s hard to really quantify or articulate why we love the people that we do. The reasons may be obscure, and honestly sometimes you just don’t really know, and you have to go with your gut feeling. Your head will eventually catch up to what your heart already knows.

The idea that your concept of love changes over time can be frightening, but also exciting. It’s negative when you think of it in the way that you could marry someone and then 3-5 or 10 years later determine that you really didn’t love them after all, but in a more positive idea, it’s good that we are able to determine that love is more than a black and white issue, it’s an exciting and evolving thought and feeling. Just when you think that you can’t possibly love someone more, you find that you do. Maybe it’s when you have a child together, or it’s when you stand by their side through something traumatic (say a terminal illness). But, I think that love in its pure form and ideal definition, can only get better.

According to studies, most men marry not necessarily when they have found the right woman, but when the TIMING is right. That said, it’s not necessarily the person that’s wrong, it’s the time. You could meet a wonderful person at age 22, be with them for four years, then decide that they are not right for you. Then, at age 30 meet someone that is similar to the amazing person you knew at 22, but this time you marry them. Why? Because YOU were ready.

A large majority (81 percent) of married men agree with the statement that "you decided to marry because it was the right time in your life to settle down."

It’s so easy to be skeptical about love and relationships, especially if you have been burned in the past. But, I think it’s reassuring to know that (if you have had a bad relationship past) love doesn’t always have to hurt, it doesn’t have to be hard, and it doesn’t have to stay the same. If you’re lucky, you’ll find someone who is able to go through the highs, lows, and questions with you.

Overall, I think that the definition and feeling of love does, and should change. Though in following that line of thinking, it makes it imperative that your partner feel the same way. I think that the best relationships come from people who not only share similar core values and beliefs, but those that are able to mature and grow together, in the same direction. I think that a good relationship should be with someone who not only understands and supports you, but makes you want to be a better person.

So many good things happening right now…and I couldn’t be happier. First off, since I started doing Jenny Craig about 6 weeks ago, I have now lost 10 lbs. and 2 inches all around (for a total of 8 inches, bust, waist, abdomen, hips). It’s funny I don’t really feel all that much skinnier, but I am I guess. My goal is to lose about 20 lbs. by my birthday in October - so I think that is an achievable goal. Then from there we will see, I definitely have more I can lose after that.

In other news, I think I may have a new job coming up…one I’m really excited about. OK, so I’ve only been at my current place about 7 months - but this other job is a lot more interesting and gives me the opportunity to really get into some things that I like. More to come on that…

And, finally, I have a new man in my life. I won’t say much, cause I don’t really blog about things I really care about (as they happen that is), and, he reads this blog (though I don’t think very often)…but I will say that things are moving along nicely (and slowly, which is good) and I’m very happy. I’ve been friends with him for awhile, and somehow in those days of literally talking 7 hours a day, it all of a sudden just kind of changed. But, he is everything I’ve ever wanted…and things are just very easy and natural. No drama, no wondering what he thinks or worrying about what I’m doing or what I think. We really just get each other, and understand each other… and have a lot of fun together. It just feels right.

Anyway, I feel like I’ve finally grown up and things are coming together for me. And, I’m finally finding some peace with myself and the decisions I’ve made (and continue to make) in my life. So, cheers to that!

Last week I heard on the radio that over 35,000 people had signed an online petition to repeal Virginia’s new driving laws in just two days. On day one, this little blogger alone had received two emails and seen at least five Myspace bulletins posted about it. So, think about it…if everyone is emailing it, posting it on blogs, Myspace, Facebook, wherever - and generally just passing it along to their networks…then really, the number of signatures received should be no suprise. (By the way at last count it was almost up to 93,000.) Also note that the petition is linked and available to share on Blogger, Facebook, Digg, del.icio.us, slashdot, and all the other usual suspects.

Now, the real question is how many of those forwarded emails and postings do you see and dismiss? Yet, what about the ones that do matter to you, that do make a difference and call you to action. We’re bombarded with hundreds of messages a day, so it really is significant when something makes it through and your brain clicks and says hey, I’m going to jump into action (signing a petition) or pass it on to others. That’s the million dollar question for marketing professionals and public relations executives. How do I make my message heard? And, best case scenario, repeated?

Personally, I find social networking fascinating.

Many people shun it as a waste of time, too “stalker” like and unsafe (as far as posting semi-personal information, some post more than others). But, at its core, social networking is an important communications tool and will continue to be used as such. For example, it gives credibility to companies, brands and advertisements. Let’s say that you’re a company that creates a really great ad. It’s funny, hip and has a great tagline. (Think of the “priceless” MasterCard ads from a couple years ago. Or the Ford Model fashion/style tips I’ve seen recently on Youtube.) So, you post it on Youtube. Someone finds it and forwards it in an email. Someone else picks it up and posts it on their blog. Someone else posts it on their Facebook. It has a viral effect, and soon enough, your ad is being emblazoned across the internet, and your brand is being picked up. Your search engine optimization skyrockets, and your website hits go through the roof. All from posting one silly ad online.

It’s more than that too, there have been many articles over the past couple weeks about Facebook’s drive to become the “social operating system“of choice. Facebook could take over the world, so to speak. It has the potential, if they play their cards right, to actually compete with Yahoo and Google to become a credible internet resource. The newsfeed function on Facebook (and, to a lesser extent, Myspace bulletins) is especially interesting when mixed with the applications. I can now see which one of my friends liked what movies, are going to what concerts, and are reading what books. Other friends of mine can cross post their blog postings (though, since I try to remain anonymous, I prefer not to do that) and thus increase their blog readership and traffic. I see when people break up, get engaged and get married. I see when friends get a new job, are looking for a place to live, and where they like to vacation. What better credibility is there than word of mouth?

I think this sums it up nicely:
“The real value proposition of social media is that it connects people on a deeply human level with hundreds, thousands, even millions of networked people across time and geography. Social networks, empowering core constituencies of passionate users around targeted, niche market content, are emerging as a powerful media marketforce.”

However, social networking can be powerful in another way. It can also have a negative effect. Some people I know hate social media. They agree it has its place, but think that overall it’s not healthy for society and there’s a possibility that people are less social overall because of it. While you may come across random people or rekindle past relationships that you woldn’t have otherwise, on the whole it seems like social media sites make it easier to immerse yourself in social networks you already have and limit people from meeting new people outside those networks. A lot of people who are into social networks and are on them all the time also feel isolated, in a strange paradox. I agree with this, and of course online networking cannot account for an in person meeting. You don’t get your  “warm fuzzy feeling” and establish a good rapport after a meeting from reading someone’s profile. However, social networking can be utilized to maintain those good relationships after a physical point of reference has been made.

In addition, I think social networking is even changing the way we communicate with each other. People carry on entire conversations on Facebook walls that could take place on the phone. People instant message each other instead of talking face to face. A Myspace comment here and there can count as “keeping in touch” and a text message is a usually acceptable form for question and answer, even conversation. The nuances of real human interaction are lost. Of course, there comes a point when “real” communication needs to occur. But, I think there is a whole new hierarchy of communication, even in the dating world. OK, so he or she leaves you a Myspace comment, it’s not as personal as a text message, which isn’t quite as bad as an email, but that’s a step below a phone call. A one night stand has the potential to never really be a one night stand, if you’re friends on Myspace. Although the relationship can continue into nothingness and go nowhere, the fact that you can see what the other person is doing (and leave said Myspace comment/message) contributes to keeping the connection “warm” so to speak. Instead of the person dropping off completely, they are still there in the back of your mind, and in arm’s reach (or so it seems). It gives a false sense of intimacy, and creates a negative precedence for acceptable communication.

I could continue on in about a hundred different directions about this, but really I just wanted to say to keep your eyes open. Social networking is interesting, it’s exciting, and if the momentum keeps up, it will soon become a way of life. The real question is, does social networking have what it takes to last? Is this the top of the bubble about to burst? I wonder if, when there are kids age 15-23 who have “grown up” using Facebook and the like, if they will burn out by age 28-30 and tire of it. It can be exhausting to keep up with and maintain, and unless you are technologically inclined (or interested for that matter), it will be hard to stick with it. But, for now…social networking is, well…hott.

So, I met a guy on Friday at 18th Street Lounge. He was nice and funny, smart and entertaining. Actually he was foreign too (from Germany). We talked for over an hour. He asked me for my phone number and email (wrote it down) and he gave me his phone number as well (probably only the second or third time I’ve given my number out). For all I know, I was the 5th number he got all night.

I figure, if he doesn’t call…then no loss. It was a little unexpected bonus to a fun night. But then I think, well…he gave me his number too. So, should I call him say Thursday if I don’t hear from him? Is that too late/too early? I figure a week is the window for someone you meet in a bar. But, should I assume if he doesn’t call, he’s not interested…or that I should just go for it since I really have nothing to lose either way? I have to say, I have called guys before…I have nothing against it. And, I don’t want to play games. But then, I know that there is the standard idea that, girls don’t call boys. But, some boys like to be called. I guess I just like knowing that I put it out there too, so I know I did what I could. Then of course, I know that if he likes you, he’ll call.

It’s not necessarily that I am worrying so much about this particular guy, but mostly in general…how to deal with this. Sit around and wait, and assume no interest if no contact? Or, make a move and if no interest, then oh well.

To call or not to call…what is the protocol?

So, last Friday I had a date with a guy. Pretty normal, we had a good time at dinner and then afterwards made plans to get together on Sunday night, as we were both busy the rest of the weekend. Before this, we had been talking since Wednesday night, and made plans to get together Friday. If it matters, I met him online.

On Saturday around 4 pm I got a text from him saying that his friends had bailed on him, and if I wanted to do something. I wasn’t completely set in my plans, so I let him know that I didn’t know what I was doing - nothing definite, but he was welcome to come meet me if he wanted to. We had a few more back and forth texts including him saying around 6:30 pm, “tomorrow we are good to go just let me know about tonight. I thought you were a planner.” I didn’t answer this because I was busy babysitting and at dinner until about 9:30 pm, during which he texted me at 9:15 pm and said “so I assume you are not going out” because he hadn’t heard back again from me. I then wrote him an hour later when I got home and said “hey, I don’t think I’m going to go out, I have a busy day tomorrow and a lot to do. What time and where do you want to meet up tomorrow?” He responded with “uggg” to which I said “uggg? Sorry I’m being lame I just don’t feel like going out. Besides don’t you have to rest up for golf tomorrow?”

This was his response: “Well, that and not letting me know until ten and then yesterday we are on a date and you aren’t sure if you are going to stay on the date or go with your friends. None of this is very flattering.”

Are you kidding?

I responded and said “I wasn’t keeping you from doing anything. I just don’t feel like going out. I’m planning on dinner or something tomorrow as we said last night when we made that plan.”

On Sunday, I decided to give him one more chance, so I texted him and asked if he still wanted to do anything. He said “Sorry, don’t really feel like it.” So, I decided to not sink to his immature/trying to guilt trip me attitude and responded with “OK, maybe another time talk to you later” and pretty much decided it was all done.

Was I being a bitch? I don’t think so. Because…

1. I was honest with him, I told him I wasn’t sure of my plans, and had even hinted earlier I kind of wanted to just stay in. I don’t get why his plans had to revolve around me. While I do understand maybe I should have been faster to respond, why was he sitting around waiting on me?

2. I don’t understand why he felt the need to call me and hang out on Saturday in the first place, when we alreay had plans for Sunday. I mean, I just met you, I don’t want to or need to see you three nights in a row. Even if your plans fell through, like seriously - sit at home and chill, pretend to have a life. Don’t rely on some girl you just met to make or break your plans, then throw a hissy fit about it. Rule number one, it’s OK if you like someone and want to talk to them or see them. It’s not OK to stalk them, guilt trip them and annoy them. I mean, maybe he thought the more/sooner I saw him, the sooner I would hook up with him.

3. As for the Friday night after dinner he referred to, the reason I was so “back and forth” was because he wasn’t decisive either. I had a friend in Arlington, I asked him if he wanted to go meet up with them, he said no (we had talked about going to another bar and doing this before). OK fine. So, then I thought well maybe we can hang out more and asked if he wanted to go to a movie or something. We picked up an Express and looked at times, nothing showing worth seeing. Then he asked me if I wanted to come back to his house and I said no. It was then that we made plans to see each other on Sunday. That should have been the end of it.

4. Aside from all this, he had been all up my ass before we even went on the date on Friday. Thursday we were IMing at work and he left to go lunch saying “feel free to text me if you want I’m sure it will be boring.” Um, no thanks, that’s OK. I don’t need to text you for no reason. He also sent me a couple random texts Thursday evening…no meaning or reason. Nice to be in touch and interested, but…annoying overall.

So anyway…this is further proof as to why I’m still single, and as to why dating is horrible. Of course, one more bad date is no reason for me to write off all dates (and I’m not), but still…I don’t know where or how I attract these losers. It’s either guys who are completely unavailable, or ones that are too available.

I have come to the conclusion that a few of the guys I have gone out with and/or dated who have ended up a little on the clingy and/or psycho side (like the one who after 3 dates asked me “what are we?” among other things)…are guys who move to the DC area from another state. They may have a few friends in the area, but then they meet a girl that they think is nice and cute and they get along with…and suddenly they are glued to your side.

I think I did everything right with this guy, and he tried to guilt me into thinking I was being a bitch and playing games. Really, I think he was the one being immature and needy. Besides, any normal guy would be happy that I have a life and I’m doing my own thing. And, after one date…no need to get bitter over anything. Maybe I’m being too hard on these guys, but I’m pretty sure in this particular instance, it was right for me to run the other way.

Conclusion: this is why I don’t date.