So, I have a question to throw out to the blogosphere…what kinds of differences in a relationship are acceptable, and what can’t be worked out? Does it depend on the person?

For example, if you are a die-hard Republican and you date someone who is fairly liberal…will that work? What about if you are Muslim and your partner is Catholic. Or Jewish and Mormon?

I’ve always thought that while opposites can (and do) attract, that most relationships are between similar people. People of similar values, backgrounds, socio-economic status, etc…

But where is the line between acceptable conflict and irreconcilable differences?

According to the Census Bureau, over half of U.S. households are not legally married. This means that the majority of people living in the U.S. are either single or cohabiting.

Now, to me this news is a little scary. It means that as of now, people are choosing to be alone and not raise families as a “traditional” family unit. Does this mean that society is shifting and maybe what was once “traditional” will no longer be so?

According to the article,

“…He predicted that cohabitation and temporary relationships between people were likely to dominate America’s social landscape for years to come.

‘Overall, what I see is a situation in which people — especially children — will be much more isolated, because not only will their parents both be working, but they’ll have fewer siblings, fewer cousins, fewer aunts and uncles,” the scholar argued. “So over time, we’re moving towards a much more individualistic society…’”

Personally, I come from a small family. I’m an only child, and I have no cousins. When my grandparents, aunts and uncles, and parents are gone…then it’s just me. I get it all. It’s kind of sad actually.

I love big familes. A dealbreaker relationship for me is someone else who is an only child. All of my closest female friends come from “huge, messy, tons of cousins” type families. I love that and all of the drama and excitement that comes with it. Because with the hardship, comes the love, and the togetherness. I am always spending time with my friends and their families, I am even close with extended members and hang out on holidays. As much as I love my parents, I find it kind of depressing and boring to be just with them on holidays and such, so I want to have that big group when I have my own family.

I think that 30 million single men and women is a problem. In addition to that, there are 14 million single mothers compared to 5 million single fathers. Maybe both sexes are being too picky in what they are looking for in a mate, resulting in learning to live comfortably alone, and not being willing to compromise. I’m not one for compromising self or losing track of your own values and beliefs, but sometimes you have to give a little to get a little.

Maybe people are given too many options and cling to the idea that a relationship is only temporary, and there will always be something else just around the corner. Maybe people get comfortable and just don’t want to rock the boat with the formality of marriage. I remember one girl I knew in elementary school, and her mom lived with her boyfriend of 10 years. TEN years! At that point, what’s stopping you? Marriage may just be a “legal” thing to some people, but when it comes down to it, it is at the bare minimum a necessity for your family should anything happen to your significant other.

It’s sad that I have so many friends age 24-28 who are scared they will never get married. They will never find the right time, or the right person, or be in that perfect place in life where it all seems to fall together. And, given the statistics in the article regarding the slight shift in the makeup of our nation’s households…maybe we’re all right to be scared of what the future does (or doesn’t) hold.

An article about other important numbers….

(The Washington Post gets it right…)

For This D.C. Woman, Nine-Tenths of a Man Is Not Good Enough

Sunday, September 24, 2006
– Kelli McTaggart

The U.S. government has confirmed what we single women in Washington have known for some time — there are no single men in the District. Or, more precisely, not enough single men in the District.

According to the Census Bureau’s recently released 2005 American Community Survey, the District has the lowest — read, worst — ratio of single men to single women in the nation. For every 100 single women in Washington, there are only 93.4 men. That’s just over nine-tenths of a man for every woman. Now, if you’ve been single for as long as I have in this town, nine-tenths of a man is starting to sound pretty good. But not as good as Nevada (120.2 men per 100 women), North Dakota (120.1) and Alaska (118.9).

Now, I realize it’s not statistically fair to compare the District, a mere city, to those big states. But imagine — 1.2 men for every woman. I wonder if that .2 of a man does laundry.

One might think that this news would depress me. On the contrary, I feel vindicated. The next time one of my married friends (and all of my friends are married) asks me why I have not met someone yet, I have an answer based on cold, hard numbers: I am fabulous, but I am a victim of demographics.

I can now rebut the theories that I must be too picky, too wrapped up in work, too busy watching HGTV to meet my future husband. Until they start busing men in from North Dakota, that’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. (For the record, I lived in Fargo for a year, and, without revealing too much information, I can vouch for the Census Bureau’s numbers).

Actually, based on my hands-on scientific research in the Washington area (going on blind dates since the halcyon days of the Clinton administration’s first term), the numbers may be worse.

The Census Bureau did not account for gay men. Doing so — considering the number of times my single girlfriends and I have been set up on a date only to find out later the guy is gay — probably would bring the figure down to, say, .73 men for every woman (my single sister believes it’s more like .5), making our situation even tougher.

I know how hard it is because I’ve tried it all: blind dates, group dates, speed dates. Young/old; short/tall; liberal/conservative; Yankees fans/Red Sox fans. I’ve been to Spices so many times for the casual sushi dinner date that I’m beginning to think it’s my own “Groundhog Day.” I tried an online date but ended that when it became apparent that the guy searched my property records to find out where I lived. I even went out on a blind date with a guy from the suburbs, but he showed up for our date hung over after drinking all day at an amusement park. But then again, I am picky.

Finally, a word of advice to straight, single men. Please, stop with the “errand” dates. This is a date where the woman shows up in a pretty dress and fresh lip gloss, and the man has essentially penciled her in while he’s running errands.

I have seen two men go grocery shopping while on the way home from a date with me. One date apparently just could not wait to buy his milk, cream and cookies. Nothing says romance like a trip to Whole Foods.

Yes, the census figures have given me new hope. Whereas I used to think I was not trying hard enough or had become bitter, cynical and exacting, I now know the truth: It’s not me, it’s demography. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go work on my blackjack skills. Nevada, here I come!

…Searching for a job. Or, rather, searching for a job is like dating.

No, really, it is…

1. Not gonna leave unless it’s something really good. With most jobs, if you’re comfortable, you’re not likely to leave unless something amazing comes along. You may look around to see what else is out there, see what the market looks like. But there is no fire under your ass to get out there and get going. Similarly, if you’re comfortable with the single life, why would you give up that freedom to be chained down to someone for the unforseeable future? Do you really want to give up your Saturday night out with the boys to sit and watch chick flicks? Or do girls want to give up the comfort of not caring if you’re wearing granny panties or cute underwear in exchange for being in a relationship? Eh, only for something really, really good. Or, if you’re already in a relationship, the same rule applies…you can check out what the market looks like, but if you’re really happy then you’re not going to leave unless a new and better model comes along.

2. You don’t want to seem too desperate. After you interview somewhere that you’re really interested in, sometimes you’re struck with the desire to stalk down the recruiter/employer so they know that you’re REALLY REALLY interested and how GREAT you would be for the position. It could be due to a once in a lifetime opportunity, or simply because you just want to get the hell out of your current job. With dating, you of course don’t want to seem to eager or desperate. You carefully time your calls and emails, and make sure you don’t inundate the other person, that is, unless they are doing it right back to you. It’s a bit of a waiting game and a fine balancing act to both show your interest and wait to hear back from a potential employer, a game much like the dating game.

3. Looking good on paper. For online dating, someone can look great on paper, but the actual date/person you meet could be a nightmare. Even for non-online dating, someone could sound great to your friends (”she’s a hot model librarian” or “he’s an Ivy league lawyer”) - have all the things you’re looking for or want…and still have the same negative outcome. Looking “good on paper” is basically the same as having a kick ass resume. Either you live up to it or you don’t. But either way, you definitely want to make sure that even if it has the best bullshit possible on there, you can still deliver the goods.

4. Dress to impress. Dressing for a first date is a bit like dressing for a job interview. You don’t want to look too casual, or too slutty. You want to be dressed for the occasion - as in don’t wear sweats if you’re going to a nice restaurant (or, don’t wear sweats at all), and don’t wear pearls if you’re going to a baseball game. With a company, it’s often hard to really know the culture of the place you are interviewing at, so you go with the standby suit option. Tugging at a tie or pulling at a jacket the entire time is really not comfortable, but it’s expected - and then as you start working there, eventually you’re wearing jeans on Friday and not caring if you actually blow dried your hair or not. Kind of like how that girl will wear her highest heels and full makeup with her hair done for the first few dates, then slowly let it all fade as things progress. It all goes back to the first idea of being comfortable. Everyone likes to show off once in awhile, do the peacock strut of dating and impressing the opposite sex. So, when it comes to a job interview or initial date, it’s important to dress for success.

5. First impressions count. Along with the initial dress, first impressions count for a lot while job hunting/interviewing and dating. With a job, you look at things like firm handshakes and eye contact. With dating, it’s more about if the other person can carry on a conversation, if they are funny or down to earth, and whether or not she (or he) offers to split the bill (or, pay the bill). You want to make sure that the person is left feeling good, that they think, wow - he or she is great! If you’re left with a sour taste in your mouth, or a nagging feeling in your gut…chances are the person won’t make it to a second date, or a final interview.

The similarities could go on. But, what is this to say about our dating and professional lives? It’s been said before that a first date is like an interview…but who knew how far that assumption really went?

So my friend was walking down the street this past weekend, and it was a bit chilly, so she was wearing some layers.

Two guys were walking behind her, and one of them commented, “you can’t possibly be cold.”

So, she turned and was friendly to them and said something nicely defending her dress.

The guys responded, “but how can you be cold when you’re so hot?”

She kept walking.

Wow.

Seriously. That is one of the worst lines I’ve ever heard.

Lines can be good if they are something new, or something that is cute. For example, this is completely cheesy, but it might get a laugh and therefore a conversation:

“How much does a penguin weigh?”
“I don’t know…”
“Enough to break the ice.”

I heard that on the radio one morning, I thought that, delivered right - it could be a good line.

All in all, pick up lines can be a necessary evil. Most of the time they are cheesy or too bold (does whistling or saying crude things to someone count as a “pick up line”?)

Girls - what are the best and worst pick up attempts you’ve heard? What made them work or not work for you?
Guys - what are your tired and true lines? Does it mean you do or don’t have good game if you can use a line properly? Should you need to have a line to get an in, or not?