So I painstakingly made my way through the aforementioned Washingtonian section (although, I admit - some parts I skimmed). Hey, I read so you don’t have to (ahem).

Well, for one - the girl who wrote the feature was kinda cute. Nothing wrong with her at all. Good start. She’s probably not even really single. (Hah, just kidding.)

The poor soul started out on Match.com. Oh honey, that was your first mistake. She winked her way into a couple dead end dates, but nothing came out of it. She then had a friend advise her to try Yahoo Personals or (gag) MySpace…yeah. No. Any informed dating guru knows that MySpace leads to MyStalker. Or something like that. I do however, agree with her theory of the “match.com ploy to get me to reenlist” when her subscription was ending - she got a sudden wave of interested suitors. In fact, isn’t Match being sued for this very thing?

Her second tactic was speed dating. In theory, a good idea - kind of like being thrown in a bar scene situation where you are forced to talk to someone you might not normally talk to. However, in reality - a horrible way to meet someone. Although it’s been said that you know whether or not you like someone within the first minute, and whether or not you’d sleep with him within the first five minutes (or less)…speed dating offers up a brief moment of hope that you’ll just click with someone right away and it’ll just be that easy; when in reality everyone is probably searching for more than they’re going to get, and coming up empty handed. Such is life.

After the author’s short stint in online dating and speed dating (only a month), she sums it up to this: “I’ve spent 25 years studying the nuances of body language to determine if men are interested in me, and suddenly I’m supposed to send an unprompted cyber wink or e-mail? Or flirt with 15 guys in rapid succession, without running out of steam? I guess I’m more old-fashioned than I thought.” Amen, sister.

The rest of the section included some “no-fail first dates” which was three trite and tired (and can I say LONG) ideas for a first date in DC. Now, I don’t know about anyone else…but a first date to me should NOT be a day long event. I mean, not initially. If it turns into something longer, cool. But, I find that 2-3 hours is plenty of time for a GOOD date. A really good one. This section had like 6-8 hours worth of adventures galavanting around DC. And, the ideas weren’t even that great. Boring. Next.

I’m not even going to talk about the 3 page long interview with Carolyn Hax. Sort of interesting, but mostly another yawn.

I found it interesting that in a sidebar box, there was a list of traits that women found important in a man. 46% said fantastic lover. You hear that men? FANTASTIC LOVER. It beat out handsome face by 1%.

The next section was a whirlwind list of organizations to join to meet people. It ranged from cooking classes to places to dance (um, listing Clarendon Ballroom was I think…well…it speaks for itself. Gag.) to volunteer organizations, sports leagues (WAKA anyone?) and of course the social clubs and societies for the elite singles in the city.

The final section in the series was finding love over 50…and I’ll admit I just didn’t read it because it didn’t appeal to my demographic, and it made me a little depressed.

In addition to all of the helpful hints (if you want to call them that) and “great date” ideas, they had a pull out section with 20 area singles from a wide range of ages - 24 to the elusive “forties and fifties.” I mean, if you’re gonna be in an article saying you’re single, you can say you’re 47. It’s OK. Really. I know this wasn’t the “50 Most Beautiful People in Washington” list, but…they could have found some more attractive participants. They weren’t BAD necessarily, they were just, well, average. The whole section made being single look well, boring to me. It didn’t sound fun or exciting to be single in the city. Granted, I took it all with a grain of salt I guess.

Maybe that was the point. We’re all average. And single. Thanks, Washingtonian, for pointing that out to me.

Debate:
How can Congress really be forced to vote on the issue of gay marriage? Shouldn’t the very institution of marriage be sacred - even if it’s not in a church? I feel that years from now, people will look at this much the same way as people look at the banning of interracial marriages. They will be shocked and ashamed of it and wonder why, with so much ugliness in the world, that people chose to argue about another human being’s right to happiness. Really, aren’t there more pressing matters for Congress to be addressing - say perhaps Haditha, or the status and unstable nature of Iraq in general? Where are our MORALS there?!?

Discuss:
We’ve all said it before, but I’ll say it again…the DC dating scene blows. I have tons of gorgeous, skinny, smart, laidback and cool girl friends that are single, and people ask why. Why? The guys in DC (with exceptions) are all some balding beta males who believe that they all deserve to date 10’s…but even worse are the girls (with exceptions) that are all pushy bitches who think that they are hot shit and deserve perfect rich men. Then these girls are bitchy to the beta males, and therefore, nobody gets laid.

I got news for you ladies though…unless you are of the 10% of the population on the Maxim Hot 100 list, then get it together because you are likely whiny, needy, insecure, unintelligent, and worst of all…average looking. What makes everyone around here think that they deserve Brad Pitt or Eva Longoria? Because you work for a Congressman, making copies and running reports? Oh, it’s because you work for a lobbyist and push around those people who make copies and run reports. Or maybe you’re the lawyer who ties them all together.

All in all, DC has a few select people who deserve to be at the top of the dating food chain, but for the rest of the city…come on. Give it up. Come down from the power trip and knock the supermodel/Prince Charming off the pedestal and join the rest of the world in reality, because DC is no LA. This is West Wing, not Melrose Place.

Debate:
People, is this really fashion? Would you spend money on it? *shudder* It’s from Nordstrom’s for the love of God…

Discuss:
I went to the gym tonight and it was a very sad state of affairs. However, I feel a little better knowing I at least pretended to do something. Hopefully I’ll get back in a routine again and get it together for real. Speaking of working out, my roomie ran a 10K this weekend! YAAAY roomie!!!! She even kicked her boyfriend’s ass (shhh don’t tell). Hehe.

Debate:
My trip to the lawyer leaves me with a bill for $900. Hmm…charge $900 and pay it off, or risk getting my license revoked or going to jail? I’ll take increase in debt for $900, Alex. Is getting a lawyer worth it in my case? I think so…

Discuss:
Why is it that the days you have “off” from work are usually the busiest? I wasn’t feeling well this morning, so I took the day off since I had to leave early anyway to go to the lawyer’s office. Well, damn if I didn’t work my ass off anyway!

Debate:
Other than the obvious point that I would get to mold young minds…damn why didn’t I become a teacher? This working 8-10 hour days (or more) is shit man. Summers off is the way to go. Or either that become an executive so high up that nobody gives two shits if you spend all your time golfing and away on “business” and out to 3 hour lunches. How come more people don’t choose to become teachers, other than the obvious (and unfortunate) pay disparity?

Discuss:
Does anyone have any good tips for moving? I think I’m pretty good at it, being a military brat and all. I can pack and unpack like a pro, but hey…even pros miss things.