So, I found/remembered and was reading through an old livejournal that I kept in 2004, which was pretty embarrassing to go through. Even worse that I was a moron and used pretty much everyone’s real name. I have since copied all my posts there (why not, they are good for remembering shit), and deleted the account in the hopes that nobody ever comes across it. It is interesting to see how far I’ve come in three years though. I may have similar problems or thoughts, but I express them and approach them in a much more sophisticated way. I’ve become more independent, more comfortable with myself (for the most part) and just grown up overall.

Anyway, I also came across an interesting little post, where I questioned my identity. It’s funny, I guess I still have that question. In high school I was “so and so’s girlfriend”, in college I was a DZ, or the “asian girl in DZ” or something like that. And, I was thinking…in the future I’ll be someone’s wife, or someone’s mom, or something of that nature.

But right now, in this moment…what am I? I don’t “belong” to anyone or anything…I’m just…me. But, what does that mean? I’m somebody’s friend, I’m somebody’s co-worker or employee, somebody’s roommate or somebody’s daughter…but, to me that’s not really an identity. It’s not something that impacts others, or even something that is truly meaningful. Not that being someone’s girlfriend or in a particular sorority was meaningful or descriptive of who I am…but I guess it was something to identify with. Life is all about relationships and networks…so I guess I’m just struggling with where I fit into that right now.

Just a thought I revisited and decided to throw out there…

Popularity: 6% [?]

So I was thinking…that dieting and eating right are so easy in theory…so why is it so hard?

It’s kind of like quitting smoking, only not because you can’t REALLY ever quit eating. Smoking is an example of something that is bad for you, and you know it is…but eating, that’s something you have to do, but it can turn into the enemy.

Everybody knows what to do to lose weight. Eat less overall calories, eat more fruits and vegetables, fill up on “good” foods and proteins, maybe even cut carbs or start eating whole wheat carbs. Sleep more, drink more water, try to do cardio for at least 30 minutes 3 days a week, avoid processed foods…the list goes on. But you know what, it’s hard. Anybody who says dieting and losing weight is easy is wrong. Mostly because in the end, you have to find out what works for you. Atkins may be amazing for you, or you could not be able to give up carbs. Weight Watchers could be wonderful, but you don’t have time to count points and plan meals. Jenny Craig can be great, but you don’t have the money to purchase the meals to stay on it. It’s a personal decision, and what may have worked for one person may not for another. And honestly, it’s a full time JOB to do it right. I don’t have time, energy or money to sit and plan out my meals, grocery shop, and make healthy food all the time. The best I can do is eat Lean Cuisines, salads and South Beach wraps and hope for the best. It’s hard to be at work and not grab lunch with coworkers. And it’s hard to know what your schedule is going to be like and if you’ll have time to come home and make something good for you.

A recent article in the NYT also points to the neverending question of “nature vs. nurture”, in that genetics influence weight gain and body shape moreso than activity or eating habits. The study led to some interesting and surprising conclusions, including:

“…fat people who lost large amounts of weight might look like someone who was never fat, but they were very different. In fact, by every metabolic measurement, they seemed like people who were starving.”

“…subjects also had a psychiatric syndrome, called semi-starvation neurosis, which had been noticed before in people of normal weight who had been starved. They dreamed of food, they fantasized about food or about breaking their diet. They were anxious and depressed; some had thoughts of suicide. They secreted food in their rooms. And they binged.”

“…every one had physical and psychological signs of starvation. There were a very few who did not get fat again, but they made staying thin their life’s work, becoming Weight Watchers lecturers, for example, and, always, counting calories and maintaining themselves in a permanent state of starvation.”

“The implications were clear. There is a reason that fat people cannot stay thin after they diet and that thin people cannot stay fat when they force themselves to gain weight. The body’s metabolism speeds up or slows down to keep weight within a narrow range. Gain weight and the metabolism can as much as double; lose weight and it can slow to half its original speed.”

“The two major findings of this study were that there was a clear relation between the body-mass index of biologic parents and the weight class of adoptees, suggesting that genetic influences are important determinants of body fatness; and that there was no relation between the body-mass index of adoptive parents and the weight class of adoptees, suggesting that childhood family environment alone has little or no effect.”

“Those who doubt the power of basic drives, however, might note that although one can hold one’s breath, this conscious act is soon overcome by the compulsion to breathe. The feeling of hunger is intense and, if not as potent as the drive to breathe, is probably no less powerful than the drive to drink when one is thirsty. This is the feeling the obese must resist after they have lost a significant amount of weight.”

The funny thing is, that even when people lose weight, it doesn’t completely change who they are. Sure, they may become more confident, more aggressive, more desirable…but it’s not a cure-all. Just the same as gaining weight doesn’t totally change a person. If you lose or gain weight, it doesn’t mean that your debt will go away, that your relationships will be any better or worse, or that your career will be any different. It all comes down to how you feel inside, and how you present yourself. I admit, that slimmer, more attractive (and taller) people are scientifically shown to get more of a “break” in the professional world…but that doesn’t mean that the more average or overweight people are living unsatisfactory and unfulfilling lives. I know just as many unhappy, single, boring skinny people as I know amazing, married and exciting people who don’t have “perfect” bodies. It’s not a black and white issue.

I mean, in the end, it’s horrible that I spend so much of my time, energy and conversation thinking about and talking about this. If the biggest problem I have in my life is struggling with my weight (which has only been for the past few years), then I’m pretty lucky. Overall I’m a happy person and I enjoy my life, so maybe that’s why it’s harder for me to obsess and restrict myself, I enjoy good food and I enjoy social interaction (that usually involves food to me). Being somewhat overweight doesn’t make or break me as a person. And you know, if I died tomorrow, I doubt anybody would be like, “it’s too bad AM never lost that weight” or “so sad she never got skinny and hot like she wanted.” So, why do I worry about it so much?

Popularity: 18% [?]

I know, it’s been awhile…

Things have been good, what can I say? I’ve been busy working and living life, as have we all. I just haven’t had the motivation to blog lately, obviously. But, my new job is great…I’m working for some big clients and enjoying it. It’s not perfect, but what job is? It’s definitely a good place for me to be in the path of my career – whatever that may be.

I’ve been super busy the past couple months otherwise, and actually don’t have a free weekend until the middle of June.

A few highlights of what I’ve been doing:

• I took a Saturday about a month ago to work with a friend to produce a commercial for a local clothing store, Liberte. The shoot went well and I’m looking forward to seeing the final product.
• Going out: I had a great time at a “tini and toy” party with some fun girls a couple weeks ago. We started with a toy party (think tupperware but sex toys) then ended the evening with a table at Rain. I also recently celebrated my good friend’s birthday at Blue Gin. I’ve been to a couple happy hours at Buffalo Billards, and a few in Arlington. Stayed out way too late on a worknight, had a great dinner at Felix and enjoyed pitchers of margaritas at Lauriol Plaza on one of those warm nights we had a couple weeks ago (where are they now?!?).
• Have a bachelorette party coming up this weekend…bridal shower Mother’s Day weekend…and wedding the beginning of June. I’m super excited, it’s my first time being a bridesmaid, and I think it will be a lot of fun.
• Speaking of weddings, my college roommate/best friend got engaged on April 1. And, we all know about a certain DC Blogger doing the same recently. It must be in the air!
• I celebrated the anniversary of my adoption on April 2. Always a nice thing to remember. Especially when it is commemorated by a poem from a good friend a la Talladega Nights:

Dear sweet sweet 6lb 7oz baby Jesus laying in your manger, not knowing how to talk yet so omnipotent, thank you for making little baby AM all extra cute and shit, so cute the sweet dear white couple had to stop in their tracks and pick to adopt little AM and deliver from a life of rice and orphanage to a life of Lacoste and Ralph Lauren. Thank you baby Jesus.

• Speaking of family, my parents just informed me that they are moving to New Mexico at the end of June. They have a condo out there, so I guess it’ll be Christmas in Taos for me!
• Easter Sunday I attended the first competition for DC101 Last Band Standing. A band I know from college was competing, and although they didn’t advance to the next round, they performed well and all of the groups were great. I’ve really started to get into the local music scene, and finding all sorts of connections of people I know with it, so that’s kind of cool.
• Signed up for the 5K Race for the Cure Run/Walk with a group of fun ladies. I’m looking forward to a good time for a good cause, and I’ve already raised $250!

**********************************************************************************************************

And, I must of course note that today marks the terrible “massacre” (I hate that word, but…) at Virginia Tech. The tragedy hit pretty close to home for me, since I went to school a mere 15 minutes away. The community is very small, and all very connected. My heart goes out to everyone down there, and I can’t imagine how those students feel, and I know it will take a long time to heal and recover from such a senseless act. For today, we are all Hokies.

One of my friends wrote this and I was touched by it, I hope you will be too.

I grew up not an hour from Blacksburg, where 30+ people today lost their lives at the whim of a senseless man. I spent four years in Radford, a 15-minute car ride from Virginia Tech.

Southwest Virginia has always been largely forgotten by the mainstream media, and even many Virginians from the more privileged northern and far eastern parts of the state. The CNNBCSPAN Blob only shows up when there’s bad news. We’ve kind of become our own state. I live in Northern Virginia now, not exactly by choice, but because it’s one of the few places in the country you’re nearly guaranteed to find a job.

Southwest Virginians don’t know what it’s like not to care about someone. We don’t care if you drive a rusty Merkur XR4Ti or a Maybach 57. Most of us have never met strangers. And we have a hard time adapting to places where murders barely make the B-block of a newscast. But we adapt all the same.

No doubt… this will be hard. Hard in a way no English word should have to describe.

Being the site of the worst shooting rampage in American history is a badge I do not want my home to bear. But it will bear it, and it will survive it.

We will heal from this horror, much as we have others: the torrential flood of 1985; Hurricane Hugo; the widespread unemployment stretching from Henry County to the coalmining country of Lee and Tazewell counties; the horrible corruption by public officials in Henry County; the shootings at the Appalachian School of Law; the murders committed by Earl Bramblett; and hopefully we’ll soon start to heal from the murder of the Short family in Oak Level. These events have all had different effects on different people, but we did not lie down and let the punches come.

Make no mistake, what happened today at Virginia Tech is by far the worst event in recent memory, but we will make it.

I write this from my house in Gainesville, roughly 30 miles outside of Washington, D.C., but my home is Southwest Virginia, the first place ever referred to by our founding fathers as “God’s Country.” As Pat Conroy wrote 20 years ago, your home is permanent press: it does not wash out. It is with this pride in the hard-working, God-loving people of my home that I assure everyone who reads this that my home will prevail, and we will inspire the rest of the state, the entire country, and the world to grieve, embrace, and remember.

Indeed, God bless us all: the people of all small towns, of all nations.

Popularity: 12% [?]

I know, it’s been awhile…

Things have been good, what can I say? I’ve been busy working and living life, as have we all. I just haven’t had the motivation to blog lately, obviously. But, my new job is great…I’m working for some big clients and enjoying it. It’s not perfect, but what job is? It’s definitely a good place for me to be in the path of my career – whatever that may be.

I’ve been super busy the past couple months otherwise, and actually don’t have a free weekend until the middle of June.

A few highlights of what I’ve been doing:

• I took a Saturday about a month ago to work with a friend to produce a commercial for a local clothing store, Liberte. The shoot went well and I’m looking forward to seeing the final product.
• Going out: I had a great time at a “tini and toy” party with some fun girls a couple weeks ago. We started with a toy party (think tupperware but sex toys) then ended the evening with a table at Rain. I also recently celebrated my good friend’s birthday at Blue Gin. I’ve been to a couple happy hours at Buffalo Billards, and a few in Arlington. Stayed out way too late on a worknight, had a great dinner at Felix and enjoyed pitchers of margaritas at Lauriol Plaza on one of those warm nights we had a couple weeks ago (where are they now?!?).
• Have a bachelorette party coming up this weekend…bridal shower Mother’s Day weekend…and wedding the beginning of June. I’m super excited, it’s my first time being a bridesmaid, and I think it will be a lot of fun.
• Speaking of weddings, my college roommate/best friend got engaged on April 1. And, we all know about a certain DC Blogger doing the same recently. It must be in the air!
• I celebrated the anniversary of my adoption on April 2. Always a nice thing to remember. Especially when it is commemorated by a poem from a good friend a la Talladega Nights:

Dear sweet sweet 6lb 7oz baby Jesus laying in your manger, not knowing how to talk yet so omnipotent, thank you for making little baby AM all extra cute and shit, so cute the sweet dear white couple had to stop in their tracks and pick to adopt little AM and deliver from a life of rice and orphanage to a life of Lacoste and Ralph Lauren. Thank you baby Jesus.

• Speaking of family, my parents just informed me that they are moving to New Mexico at the end of June. They have a condo out there, so I guess it’ll be Christmas in Taos for me!
• Easter Sunday I attended the first competition for DC101 Last Band Standing. A band I know from college was competing, and although they didn’t advance to the next round, they performed well and all of the groups were great. I’ve really started to get into the local music scene, and finding all sorts of connections of people I know with it, so that’s kind of cool.
• Signed up for the 5K Race for the Cure Run/Walk with a group of fun ladies. I’m looking forward to a good time for a good cause, and I’ve already raised $250!

**********************************************************************************************************

And, I must of course note that today marks the terrible “massacre” (I hate that word, but…) at Virginia Tech. The tragedy hit pretty close to home for me, since I went to school a mere 15 minutes away. The community is very small, and all very connected. My heart goes out to everyone down there, and I can’t imagine how those students feel, and I know it will take a long time to heal and recover from such a senseless act. For today, we are all Hokies.

One of my friends wrote this and I was touched by it, I hope you will be too.

I grew up not an hour from Blacksburg, where 30+ people today lost their lives at the whim of a senseless man. I spent four years in Radford, a 15-minute car ride from Virginia Tech.

Southwest Virginia has always been largely forgotten by the mainstream media, and even many Virginians from the more privileged northern and far eastern parts of the state. The CNNBCSPAN Blob only shows up when there’s bad news. We’ve kind of become our own state. I live in Northern Virginia now, not exactly by choice, but because it’s one of the few places in the country you’re nearly guaranteed to find a job.

Southwest Virginians don’t know what it’s like not to care about someone. We don’t care if you drive a rusty Merkur XR4Ti or a Maybach 57. Most of us have never met strangers. And we have a hard time adapting to places where murders barely make the B-block of a newscast. But we adapt all the same.

No doubt… this will be hard. Hard in a way no English word should have to describe.

Being the site of the worst shooting rampage in American history is a badge I do not want my home to bear. But it will bear it, and it will survive it.

We will heal from this horror, much as we have others: the torrential flood of 1985; Hurricane Hugo; the widespread unemployment stretching from Henry County to the coalmining country of Lee and Tazewell counties; the horrible corruption by public officials in Henry County; the shootings at the Appalachian School of Law; the murders committed by Earl Bramblett; and hopefully we’ll soon start to heal from the murder of the Short family in Oak Level. These events have all had different effects on different people, but we did not lie down and let the punches come.

Make no mistake, what happened today at Virginia Tech is by far the worst event in recent memory, but we will make it.

I write this from my house in Gainesville, roughly 30 miles outside of Washington, D.C., but my home is Southwest Virginia, the first place ever referred to by our founding fathers as “God’s Country.” As Pat Conroy wrote 20 years ago, your home is permanent press: it does not wash out. It is with this pride in the hard-working, God-loving people of my home that I assure everyone who reads this that my home will prevail, and we will inspire the rest of the state, the entire country, and the world to grieve, embrace, and remember.

Indeed, God bless us all: the people of all small towns, of all nations.

Popularity: 12% [?]

I know, it’s been awhile…

Things have been good, what can I say? I’ve been busy working and living life, as have we all. I just haven’t had the motivation to blog lately, obviously. But, my new job is great…I’m working for some big clients and enjoying it. It’s not perfect, but what job is? It’s definitely a good place for me to be in the path of my career – whatever that may be.

I’ve been super busy the past couple months otherwise, and actually don’t have a free weekend until the middle of June.

A few highlights of what I’ve been doing:

• I took a Saturday about a month ago to work with a friend to produce a commercial for a local clothing store, Liberte. The shoot went well and I’m looking forward to seeing the final product.
• Going out: I had a great time at a “tini and toy” party with some fun girls a couple weeks ago. We started with a toy party (think tupperware but sex toys) then ended the evening with a table at Rain. I also recently celebrated my good friend’s birthday at Blue Gin. I’ve been to a couple happy hours at Buffalo Billards, and a few in Arlington. Stayed out way too late on a worknight, had a great dinner at Felix and enjoyed pitchers of margaritas at Lauriol Plaza on one of those warm nights we had a couple weeks ago (where are they now?!?).
• Have a bachelorette party coming up this weekend…bridal shower Mother’s Day weekend…and wedding the beginning of June. I’m super excited, it’s my first time being a bridesmaid, and I think it will be a lot of fun.
• Speaking of weddings, my college roommate/best friend got engaged on April 1. And, we all know about a certain DC Blogger doing the same recently. It must be in the air!
• I celebrated the anniversary of my adoption on April 2. Always a nice thing to remember. Especially when it is commemorated by a poem from a good friend a la Talladega Nights:

Dear sweet sweet 6lb 7oz baby Jesus laying in your manger, not knowing how to talk yet so omnipotent, thank you for making little baby AM all extra cute and shit, so cute the sweet dear white couple had to stop in their tracks and pick to adopt little AM and deliver from a life of rice and orphanage to a life of Lacoste and Ralph Lauren. Thank you baby Jesus.

• Speaking of family, my parents just informed me that they are moving to New Mexico at the end of June. They have a condo out there, so I guess it’ll be Christmas in Taos for me!
• Easter Sunday I attended the first competition for DC101 Last Band Standing. A band I know from college was competing, and although they didn’t advance to the next round, they performed well and all of the groups were great. I’ve really started to get into the local music scene, and finding all sorts of connections of people I know with it, so that’s kind of cool.
• Signed up for the 5K Race for the Cure Run/Walk with a group of fun ladies. I’m looking forward to a good time for a good cause, and I’ve already raised $250!

**********************************************************************************************************

And, I must of course note that today marks the terrible “massacre” (I hate that word, but…) at Virginia Tech. The tragedy hit pretty close to home for me, since I went to school a mere 15 minutes away. The community is very small, and all very connected. My heart goes out to everyone down there, and I can’t imagine how those students feel, and I know it will take a long time to heal and recover from such a senseless act. For today, we are all Hokies.

One of my friends wrote this and I was touched by it, I hope you will be too.

I grew up not an hour from Blacksburg, where 30+ people today lost their lives at the whim of a senseless man. I spent four years in Radford, a 15-minute car ride from Virginia Tech.

Southwest Virginia has always been largely forgotten by the mainstream media, and even many Virginians from the more privileged northern and far eastern parts of the state. The CNNBCSPAN Blob only shows up when there’s bad news. We’ve kind of become our own state. I live in Northern Virginia now, not exactly by choice, but because it’s one of the few places in the country you’re nearly guaranteed to find a job.

Southwest Virginians don’t know what it’s like not to care about someone. We don’t care if you drive a rusty Merkur XR4Ti or a Maybach 57. Most of us have never met strangers. And we have a hard time adapting to places where murders barely make the B-block of a newscast. But we adapt all the same.

No doubt… this will be hard. Hard in a way no English word should have to describe.

Being the site of the worst shooting rampage in American history is a badge I do not want my home to bear. But it will bear it, and it will survive it.

We will heal from this horror, much as we have others: the torrential flood of 1985; Hurricane Hugo; the widespread unemployment stretching from Henry County to the coalmining country of Lee and Tazewell counties; the horrible corruption by public officials in Henry County; the shootings at the Appalachian School of Law; the murders committed by Earl Bramblett; and hopefully we’ll soon start to heal from the murder of the Short family in Oak Level. These events have all had different effects on different people, but we did not lie down and let the punches come.

Make no mistake, what happened today at Virginia Tech is by far the worst event in recent memory, but we will make it.

I write this from my house in Gainesville, roughly 30 miles outside of Washington, D.C., but my home is Southwest Virginia, the first place ever referred to by our founding fathers as “God’s Country.” As Pat Conroy wrote 20 years ago, your home is permanent press: it does not wash out. It is with this pride in the hard-working, God-loving people of my home that I assure everyone who reads this that my home will prevail, and we will inspire the rest of the state, the entire country, and the world to grieve, embrace, and remember.

Indeed, God bless us all: the people of all small towns, of all nations.

Popularity: 12% [?]