Has anyone ever done a debt consolidation program? It sounds like a good idea, finding a reputable agency that will help me get all my debt into one payment - while lowering or eliminating interest rates and still allowing me a budget to have money to live on. Part of my current problem (in addition to shopping sprees every few months) is having the money to pay my debts, but then running out of cash by the end of the pay period, so using the cards again.

I went to the AICCA website and got a few locations in Virginia that will help me…but I’d like to see if anyone out there has any advice before working with these kinds of companies. A few questions I have:

• Will this consolidation include my car loan, or is that separate since it’s a secured loan?
• Does my personal loan payment (which is about the same total amount of all my credit cards combined) count under this consolidation?
• Will it mess up my credit score (which is currently good - almost 700) to consolidate like this?

I took a look at the current state of my debt, and also prioritized what bills were the most important to pay off the fastest - based on interest rate (taking advantage of the ones that have 0%) and total sum of money owed. But, I think that maybe doing something like this may be a better, more manageable option.

Somehow, over the past year, because I’m brilliant (or not), I’ve managed to consolidate and shift around my debt twice (between loans and balance transfers) and also actually increase my overall debt from April to October by over $7,000. Yep, I’m a real winner.

So, you can see…I need help. I’ve needed it for awhile.

Random side note for fun: I have 4,100 messages in my Gmail (personal address) since February 2005. Think it’s time to clean it out…

I’ve decided that I have a problem, so bad I would probably call it an addiction. (Not a new revelation, but still.) It’s not alcohol, and it’s only sometimes food. It’s shopping. I have a severe shopping problem. I can go for weeks without buying anything, and then sometimes, if left alone to my own devices, I go a little crazy. It’s like I can’t stop.

Case in point this past weekend where I was alone out shopping for a white dress for an all white party…but ended up with a lot more. I spent (and by spent, I mean charged) an obscene amount of money. I won’t disclose the full amount, but let’s just say from Saturday to Tuesday I bought 2 pairs of shoes, 3 dresses, 3 or 4 shirts, 2 sweaters, 3 Vera Bradley bags, a few presents for my mom, Aunt and Grandma, Chanel No. 5 perfume, cologne for my boy, and the worst of all, a David Yurman ring. I shopped at Nine West, Ann Taylor, White House Black Market, Cusp (very expensive boutique I love), another boutique, Sephora, and Bailey Banks & Biddle. And this isn’t the first time.

A binge is defined as: “a period of unrestrained, immoderate self-indulgence.” That is one way of looking at it. I am completely out of control, and I know it. I mean, my bills get paid each month, eventually - but at the same time it leaves me cash poor and broke, relying on credit cards to live. It has to stop. And, I keep trying…consolidating cards to 0% interest, paying off what I can when I get extra money. But, I know it’s not enough. I have car payments, computer (Dell) payments, Lasik payments, 3 credit cards, cell phone and rent/utilities, and a hefty loan payment (from other consolidation). It’s mind boggling. I need to go on the great American debt diet. I need to re-examine my priorities. I’m drowning in debt and I’m the only one who can stop it.

The thing with addictions are, that they become a hard habit to break. I literally have a positive physical reaction to shopping and being in a mall/store. I am happier, I feel elated when my arms are full of bags and I have new fun items I have been coveting. I like to look good, to feel good, and to have nice things. I have expensive tastes. I like it when my nails are manicured (french), I have pretty rings on my hands, and my clothes are well made and luxurious. Not only do I like to look good, but I like to smell good, wearing expensive perfume and high end makeup. My closet is ridiculous, and the amount of shoes and bags I have. I have trash bags full of clothes that I don’t wear anymore - some to donate, some just sitting. I have to transfer out clothes to fight for hanger space.

It’s shameful really, all of it. And, I know it. But I can’t stop. I cut up cards, I transfer balances, I pay off what I can - but it’s never enough. And then, I go buy more. And more. And I feel good about it. Until the bills come.

UPDATE: I got an automated phone call from my credit card company to verify some purchases, I’ve spent so much they thought it was stolen.

I was thinking today how it’s a little absurd just how much we (Americans) spend on beauty per year. As I was driving from my Lasik consultation appointment (where they shuffle people in and out in herds)…I considered how much money was in that industry. It’s not really a NECESSARY procedure, but people get it who have low prescriptions of negative 2 or negative 3. Then there is me who is practically blind at negative 9 and 10.

The thought of spending $2,400 on laser vision correction (that would be really nice and help me out a lot), combined with my recent Jenny Craig membership and food cost (averaging $100-$150 per week)…makes me wonder if all of this is really worth it.

And it’s not just me, factor into the American beauty money pit, those services that many people get such as teeth whitening, botox treatments, chemical peels, tanning (fake and bake packages) massages (to refresh the body), personal trainers, etc…, even liposuction. Then you add in getting braces and even shopping for high heels and Spanx (women), hair gel and hair transplants (men), and other things to improve what you look like in any little way possible.

Consider this, in a given year I spend probably:

$240 - eyebrow threading/waxing (averaging about $10, sometimes $12 per time, every two weeks give or take)

$500 - manicures and pedicures (average $40 a month for both, with a few other manicures in between)

$420 - gym membership (at $35 per month - which I just canceled recently since I have a mini-gym in my complex)

$360 - contact lenses (I have to get daily wear lenses now, say at $30 per box/month supply)

$150 - makeup (an assortment of new eyeshadows, lipsticks, my regular supply of eyeliner and blush)

$1,670 total a year just on maintenance!

So, what does all this mean - other than we’re obsessed with appearance?

Well to me, it’s worth it because when I’m freshly waxed, manicured and dressed well, I feel better. I feel more confident, prettier and have a better sense of self worth. And, isn’t that worth it?

Then again it’s horrible to think about how much money I spend on things like that, when there are people in the world (and this country) who can’t afford to eat. And it starts young, maintaining this. Think about it, we put all our kids in braces, send them to fat camps, and provide them with allergists, therapists, dermatologists, nutritionists and dozens of other specialty doctors…while other children can’t even eat or see a doctor when they’re sick (nevermind when they’re well). It’s a bit disconcerting.

I’m not saying I’m going to suddenly go from a life of luxury to a life of simplicity…but I am a little more aware of just how much it all costs to keep it all together.

I know that by publicly making a “resolution” or two, that I’m pretending to everyone that I’m really going to keep up my end (with myself I guess) of the bargain. Everyone can stand to improve in one way or another, whether it’s physically or personally/emotionally. I know there are a ton of things for me. I say them every year practically, and I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to just DO IT. Maybe this year will be it for me. The only thing I think I have successfully done in the past year or so is to eliminate soda from my diet. I still have one occasionally, but I don’t keep it around the house and drink it, or really drink it at work at all - even diet sodas.

I think the important thing is to not overwhelm yourself, and to take baby steps. Just like in What About Bob (a great movie by the way). So I’m going to take a big idea, tone it down, and hope that I get something positive out of it in the end. All of it is going to take willpower and commitment, and it’s really really hard to keep that up.

The overall goal in mind is: Take better care of myself.

1. Eat more fruits and vegetables. OK, so it’s more expensive to buy fresh fruits and vegetables than say, a box of crackers…but overall more nutritional value. And I LIKE fruit, I miss it. I need more of it in my life. I love berries I could live on them. I would much rather eat berries for dessert than chocolate cake.

2. Go out on more dates. So, most of my dates turn out to be blog fodder, and maybe I just need to accept that. But, I also need to expand my mind and broaden my horizons. I’m too picky, I know this. It’s probably largely why I’ve been single for so long. Too picky and too afraid of getting hurt, which is a bad combination. I tend to go for guys that look the same, act the same, and well, are the same. Although over the past year I have kind of gone “outside” of my “typical” mate, still nothing that really clicks. Maybe I need to stop worrying so much about looking for something perfect, and start looking for something that’s ME.

3. Go to the gym once a week. Then twice a week. Then three times a week. Well, this is the number one new year’s resolution, so that’s going to be a bitch to fight through the masses. But, ugh God. I’ve had a gym membership now for over a year, and obviously no good results have come from it. I’ll go once in a week, or three times in a week…then not go at all for another month. I actually don’t even mind going to the gym, it’s just the getting there part that is hard. Once I’m there, it’s fine, I do my thing and it doesn’t kill me. I just need to remember that. And also look to my friends and people I know that have lost 25 or 50 pounds in 6 months to a year. That could be me. I just have to keep telling myself that.

4. Try to save $5 a week. Maybe even $10. I need savings desperately. Living paycheck to paycheck and squeezing out the last $20 the last week is painful. Yeah I know I have bills to pay and an obscene amount of debt. And I can’t help it, I still need to have a life. I can go out and meet friends and not spend money sure, but it costs me in gas and (sometimes) parking and maybe cover charges. That doesn’t help my social life or my bank account. It’s hard to find a balance.

5. Cut down on going out to eat. I say this all the time, but it really will help contribute to number 1, 3 and 4. The amount of money I spend going out to eat is probably more than I expect it to be. I mean, it’s expensive to grocery shop and cook at home too. Eating healthy is expensive, which sucks. But, at least cutting down my one to two times a week Mexican food habit is bound to do something. I just hope I can quench the cravings. It’s also hard because to me, going out to eat is a social thing…it’s what I do. I have dinner dates with friends 2-3 times a week. I go out and grab lunch with people from work. It’s just what I do to wind down. So, maybe I need to find something else to do instead.

6. Swallow my medicine. I suck at taking medicine. I have horrible asthma, and am supposed to take Advair for it. I never do. Granted, my asthma is a lot better now than when I was younger, but I still have problems here and there, and when it gets bad, it sucks. I also am an awful pill taker. It practically makes me gag even to take those little birth control pills. I can’t take pills with water. I mean, what is that?!? Maybe I should start being a grown up and taking my medicine. I’m even going to start getting allergy shots again (already made the appointment) because hopefully that will also help my asthma. Whooo for being able to breathe!

7. Stop worrying and get back on the wagon. The hardest part about all of this stuff is worrying about it and thinking about it constantly, and knowing that if I fuck up, it’s OK and get over it and keep at it. It’s kind of like quitting smoking, or any other bad lifestyle habit…I guess you can say my bad lifestyle habit is not taking care of myself. So maybe now it’s time to step up and get with it. This is the only life and body and chance I’m ever going to get, so what am I sitting around waiting for?

Basically there will be lots of squeezing of my wallet and waistline, and maybe squeezing in a few dates in between. The Big Squeeze of 2007…deep breaths and baby steps…

At first I was appalled. How could they do that? It’s just too soon. Who had the bright idea of putting “for sale” Halloween candy next to the Christmas decorations?!? It’s disgusting and disturbing.

Sigh…here we are, about to plunge headfirst into the Holiday season.

But then I was true to myself and I thought…you know what? I love it. I am SUCH the ultimate consumer…I even get excited at holiday paper towels and decorative tissue boxes. Yes, I am that girl…and I am only slightly ashamed.

You see, ever since I can remember… I have LOVED the holidays. I love the cooking and the family and the gift getting (and receiving) and tradition. Most people hate the crowded malls but I love the bustle and hustle of it all (and I love to shop no matter what time of year it is)…and of course the cheesy songs. I am a sucker for the old Frosty the Snowman and Rudolf cartoons, the Charlie Brown Christmas story and the Carol of the Bells. ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas and Here Comes Santa Claus. Movies like Home Alone, Elf, The Santa Clause, and all of the others. Oh, and of course the real reason for the season…I love church at Christmastime. Advent and Christmas carols and candles…it’s all beautiful.

Of course, with all of my favorite foods, things, and people around…I’m going to have to be extra careful with my money. This year I can’t afford to go overboard on presents and cute trinkets and decorations. I have to be frugal with my Christmas cards and candy. And, I know it’s going to be really hard.

So, I’m hoping that the Christmas season will pass by just as quickly as it arrived, and while it will raise my spirits, it won’t do too much damage to my wallet.