A few things I just had to get out, with no particular relation.

Sports vs. relationship talk. We all know that when men get together, they tend to be able to bond over sports. It frequently comes up in conversation, is the point of many countless debates and bets, and serves as a common ground for most men to stand on. For (most) women, that same common ground seems to be relationship talk. Think of the Sex & the City episode where Miranda gets so upset that all they ever talk about is men. These smart, successful women, who can’t find anything of substance to discuss. Sometimes I feel like I have that problem with my friends…and it sucks to think about. I have a very fun and busy life, why spend my lunches and dinners with girlfriends discussing relationships and men? Well, perhaps it’s just the one thing that we can all relate to.

Bachelor vs. bachelorette. I have decided, from the few bachelor party pictures from friends that I have seen…that they are way more fun. I kind of wish I was a guy, in fact. Think about it. Bachelor parties (from what I can tell) usually involve some kind of cigar, taking shots, reminiscing about the old times, and more often than not a naked woman or two. Sometimes a steak dinner is involved. Bachelorette parties usually include drinking as well, but also silly plastic penis straws, little tiaras or veils, (in fact, anything penis related), and stupid games to “test” how well you know your fiancee. Occasionally a stripper is found and sometimes you get a cute t-shirt made, but usually it’s just a bunch of women screaming “whooooo” and trying to finish a scavenger hunt that involves sucking something (Lifesavers off a shirt, blow job shot), finding something (condom, boxers), or kissing someone random. Boring. Lame.

Christmas shopping. This year, I was late. Really late. Usually I am done, signed, sealed, delivered by Thanksgiving or shortly thereafter. Oh, and Christmas cards have been sent at least two weeks before (they are still sitting in the box now as I write, not going to happen this year). I am just now finishing the final touches on my gifts for family. I was in REI last night, and I hate going in there. Everytime I go there, it tricks me into thinking I need something. First of all, I am not so much an outdoorsy person. Second of all, what the hell do I need another fleece coat for, or snow pants? There were glorious snow pants there. Gloves, boots, and jackets that I wanted. Then I had to remind myself that I do not do well with the elements, and that my money would be much rather spent on high heeled boots or nice jeans and a sweater. (Or, rather, not at all since I’m still paying off a shitload of debt.) It is also funny though that the more I shop, the more I see that I want to buy. I am a Christmas decorating whore, I love it all. Or, buying it all. Bags, paper, little trinkets I don’t need, candy (obsessed with the Hershey’s miniatures mint medley). Although, this year will be my first year without a Christmas tree (even at the parents’ house). That’s kind of sad I think.

New Year’s Eve. So expensive. So overplayed. Yet, still participating. I will be in Georgetown for NYE this year, and am looking forward to what 2008 will bring.

I was thinking last night about relationships and life. I look around at other couples (ones I know and ones I don’t) and I think, how do they do it? There are so many of my friends who are still struggling, still seeking. We’re all searching for that perfect relationship, the one that we think will knock us off our feet. I guess the question is, is it real?

Have all these people found IT, and are done? Or are they just settling? Maybe that’s too cynical of me, but sometimes I look at people and think how do they do it? How does it work for them? What makes it different than what I have, or have had?

In my experience, the feeling of head over heels falling in love, crawling out of your skin crazy for them…isn’t always real. I think that love is much deeper than that. But, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe you should have that, and should always have that feeling about the one you’re supposed to be with. But to me, that head over heels feeling is more infatuation, it’s the other things (intimacy, commitment, understanding, openness, caring) that come into play that make it true love.

There are different types of love - and there are three components that should be there: intimacy, passion and commitment. Does every relationship that works have that? All the time, from the beginning? Is that the magic formula?

Various combinations of these components result in different kinds of love: (1) liking (intimacy), (2) infatuation (passion), (3) empty love (decision/commitment), (4) romantic love (intimacy and passion), (5) compassionate love (intimacy and decision/commitment), (6) fatuous love (passion and decision/commitment), (7) consummate love (which includes all three components - the best of all), and (9) non-love (the absence of any of the three components).

Aside from the relationship aspect, it’s just life in general I wonder about. I have friends that range from 26-36 who are still trying to figure out life. I’m not saying that there is a certain age limit to knowing what you want, and how to get it…or, getting it. I’m also not saying that people can’t change and grow and change directions of their life.

And I think, maybe sometimes, I’m not happy. Don’t get me wrong, my life is great. And I am lucky. But, certain things about my life and decisions I make seem to always drag me down. And, it’s up to me to change them. Right? I’m the only one with the control over my life, and what I can do. However, it’s hard for me to think for myself. I always ask opinions of friends, and I always end up wondering if I’m doing something for ME, or for someone else. Maybe that’s just immaturity on my part.

We all like to think that one day, it all comes together. It makes sense. Suddenly we’ll have all the answers. And maybe it’s just because I’m young that I’m feeling this way and thinking about this stuff. But, I wish I knew more.

Hah, and this was my horoscope today:

You are blessed with common sense now and you know what you are feeling and what to do about it. Your feelings are rather large today, and they might not fit appropriately into the narrow social context of your current life. If you’re not sure of exactly what’s going on, at least try not to react so strongly. Remember, a steady hand is better than a forceful one.

As we grow up, our tastes change. We learn to like (and love) different things, from food to types of music to various hobbies, and we learn to accept the things that we cannot change.

But through this evolution, how does love fit in? Can your definition of love change?

I think that we all have a base idea and concept of what love "is" or "should be" - and we certainly know it when we feel it. But, the love we feel when we’re 15 can be different than the love we feel at 25, or 30, or 40.

A long time ago I had a discussion with my (now) boyfriend about this subject. He asked me if I had loved my ex-boyfriend. I told him that I wasn’t sure, that I thought I did at the time, but now I didn’t know. That doesn’t mean that the feelings I had at the time were any less real, more that my personal idea of what love is has changed. For example, when you are 15, you may love someone because they are exactly like you…and when you’re 25 you may love someone because they are exactly opposite, and everything you are not.

It’s hard to really quantify or articulate why we love the people that we do. The reasons may be obscure, and honestly sometimes you just don’t really know, and you have to go with your gut feeling. Your head will eventually catch up to what your heart already knows.

The idea that your concept of love changes over time can be frightening, but also exciting. It’s negative when you think of it in the way that you could marry someone and then 3-5 or 10 years later determine that you really didn’t love them after all, but in a more positive idea, it’s good that we are able to determine that love is more than a black and white issue, it’s an exciting and evolving thought and feeling. Just when you think that you can’t possibly love someone more, you find that you do. Maybe it’s when you have a child together, or it’s when you stand by their side through something traumatic (say a terminal illness). But, I think that love in its pure form and ideal definition, can only get better.

According to studies, most men marry not necessarily when they have found the right woman, but when the TIMING is right. That said, it’s not necessarily the person that’s wrong, it’s the time. You could meet a wonderful person at age 22, be with them for four years, then decide that they are not right for you. Then, at age 30 meet someone that is similar to the amazing person you knew at 22, but this time you marry them. Why? Because YOU were ready.

A large majority (81 percent) of married men agree with the statement that "you decided to marry because it was the right time in your life to settle down."

It’s so easy to be skeptical about love and relationships, especially if you have been burned in the past. But, I think it’s reassuring to know that (if you have had a bad relationship past) love doesn’t always have to hurt, it doesn’t have to be hard, and it doesn’t have to stay the same. If you’re lucky, you’ll find someone who is able to go through the highs, lows, and questions with you.

Overall, I think that the definition and feeling of love does, and should change. Though in following that line of thinking, it makes it imperative that your partner feel the same way. I think that the best relationships come from people who not only share similar core values and beliefs, but those that are able to mature and grow together, in the same direction. I think that a good relationship should be with someone who not only understands and supports you, but makes you want to be a better person.

So many good things happening right now…and I couldn’t be happier. First off, since I started doing Jenny Craig about 6 weeks ago, I have now lost 10 lbs. and 2 inches all around (for a total of 8 inches, bust, waist, abdomen, hips). It’s funny I don’t really feel all that much skinnier, but I am I guess. My goal is to lose about 20 lbs. by my birthday in October - so I think that is an achievable goal. Then from there we will see, I definitely have more I can lose after that.

In other news, I think I may have a new job coming up…one I’m really excited about. OK, so I’ve only been at my current place about 7 months - but this other job is a lot more interesting and gives me the opportunity to really get into some things that I like. More to come on that…

And, finally, I have a new man in my life. I won’t say much, cause I don’t really blog about things I really care about (as they happen that is), and, he reads this blog (though I don’t think very often)…but I will say that things are moving along nicely (and slowly, which is good) and I’m very happy. I’ve been friends with him for awhile, and somehow in those days of literally talking 7 hours a day, it all of a sudden just kind of changed. But, he is everything I’ve ever wanted…and things are just very easy and natural. No drama, no wondering what he thinks or worrying about what I’m doing or what I think. We really just get each other, and understand each other… and have a lot of fun together. It just feels right.

Anyway, I feel like I’ve finally grown up and things are coming together for me. And, I’m finally finding some peace with myself and the decisions I’ve made (and continue to make) in my life. So, cheers to that!

Ah, a breath of fresh air. I couldn’t agree more with this Washington Post article. I would love to find someone to enjoy events like this…museum talks, poetry readings, book signings, movie screenings, etc…

Intellidating. How simple. And how necessary.

There is nothing I like more than meeting a guy who is not only cute and fun, but also well educated. Someone who can talk about current events with ease, able to display some interest in the world, and be open minded enough to discuss differences. And God, someone who votes. Even in local elections. Someone to engage in witty banter, pleasant sarcasm, and who has a desire to experience things outside the norm. And argue. Debate. Believe in something. Nothing turns me on more than that.

Now, there can be a thin line between intelligence and arrogance. I’m not talking about someone stuffy who thinks they know everything, or thinks that they have all the answers. It’s better when it is someone who surprises you…that in addition to liking football and horror movies, they are passionate about Salvador Dali or enjoy reading Proust. Something that is important to that person, and means something to them - not the kind of person that lets the facts and figures consume their existance and define who they are.

It’s true…a sexy body may fade…but a sharp, witty mind - that sexiness can surpass anything.