It seems to me that more and more of my friends in serious relationships are moving in together. Maybe it’s because the price of rent in DC is unfuckingbelievable…but moreso I think it is becoming a mainstream trend. Is it a good trend though?

An article in Psychology Today points to the perils of living together before marriage (with no intention of heading that way). While many people choose to live together out of convienence (i.e. lease running out, cheaper to share rent), many people also choose to live together as a kind of trial run for the relationship. In theory, this is a good idea, but many times it leads to unhappiness and less satisfaction with the relationship than would normally occur without living together.

“In the United States, 90 percent of young people are still expected to tie the knot at some point. Since most Americans are destined for marriage — and a majority will live together beforehand — how can we protect against the potentially undermining effects of cohabitation? Follow the lead of one subgroup of cohabiters: Those who make a permanent commitment to each other first. One study that tracked 136 couples through the initial months of marriage found that early intentions seem to make a big difference. About 60 of the couples in the study lived together before getting engaged, while the rest waited either until after they were engaged or after they were married to set up housekeeping. Ten months after the wedding, the group that had cohabited before being engaged had more negative interactions, less confidence about the relationship and weaker feelings of commitment than the other two groups. But the marriages of couples who had moved in together after getting engaged seemed just as strong as those who had moved in together after marrying.”

The results of this study are interesting. Living together, while seeming to be a huge committment, can in a way be a not so great solution to testing the waters before marriage. Cohabitation can make or break a couple. Many people move in thinking that since you are together so much anyway, you might as well – but many underestimate the little things that add up…like who will carry the responsibility of cooking and cleaning when both return home tired after a long day of work, or the issue of sharing or splitting bank accounts and financial assets.

Just like with any roommate situation, living with someone is going to open up a whole new world of that person to you. When you are in love, sometimes it’s hard to see the faults in a person, so living with them can be a rude awakening. Hopefully, you will have been with the person long enough that you are aware of their faults (and your own) and get along despite that. But sometimes people rush into things without thinking, with visions of cooking dinner together and lazy weekends spent snuggling in bed.

Another issue that comes up is comfort and habit. You may have one way of doing things, your partner or roommate may have another – so how do you decide what to do? You can do your way, their way, or a new/shared way.

The most important part of any of these situations is communication. It’s important to clearly communicate your expectations of living together with your partner. If one of you moves in with the expectation that engagement and marriage are the next logical step, but the other person sees it as a break in rent and a convienent move – then you may have a problem.

Personally, I don’t know if I would live with someone in a romantic way. It’s nice to come home to your own space and your own things (even with a roommate). Even if you are spending five out of seven nights of the week with your boyfriend or girlfriend…I think it’s good to have your own place to retreat to. But, you never know what situation will come up. I’ve heard good things and bad from people who live with their significant others; but I think that if you live together before marriage (if that is where it is inevitably heading)…then what do you have to look forward to after you’re married? (Don’t take that too literally, I know there is much to look forward to.)

I think that through all of the different reasons for moving in together (or not), the most important thing to remember is to always be looking forward – and if you’re lucky, you’re looking in the same direction.

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So, I have been recruited for football. ESPN Fantasy Football. This is the hazard of working in a company that is 90% men. However, I did kick all of their asses in the NCAA Bracket. With a little help from my friends that is.

I don’t really know much about football. I won’t lie. But, I want to at least not look like a total sucker and be able to pretend to compete.

I ask of you, dear bloggers…for help. How does this fantasy football thing work? What is required of me? Do I just draft players and then it goes by how they do throughout the season – or is it more like Xbox where you have to actually produce plays?

Help me not to be so clueless!

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I won’t lie, if I wasn’t already on vacation for the holiday weekend, I would probably be tuning into at least some of the Live 8 concert being broadcast around the world. The lineup is amazing. But, I think the point is really lost on most people.

This is an interesting look on what I think the majority of people feel. Although it’s a great concert with the best intentions…does it really shift the world’s attitude on poverty? Does attending an awesome concert lead one to want to save the world? Does it make you personally want to contribute to lessening the debts of the world? I doubt it.

It’s sad, I know…there is so much wealth in the world, yet there is even more poverty. I know that I too fall victim to the materialism of our society, and spend $80 for a Lacoste polo (which by the way, the label says Designed in France, Made in Peru - which gives me visions of sweatshops…) or $200 on a pair of Seven jeans (OK, I haven’t done that yet, but I think about it haha).

It’s hard not to be swept up in “keeping up with the Joneses”…and to not desire bigger and better. We are bombarded with too many choices, which often leads to an early midlife crisis. There are tons of books out there geared towards 20-somethings who just don’t know where they are headed. How do we know if the decisions we are making are right?

Our parents’ generation experienced more job security, rather they took a job right out of high school or college and generally stayed there for 20 years. Right now, the trend is heading upwards of the average person holding 10 jobs by the time they are 38. That’s frightening. I have only been out of college for a little over a year, and I have already had two jobs (well, the first I had to leave because it was a bad company, but still…) and while many of my friends are on their first, there are more on their second. I think people fall into the trap of accepting the first job they are offered, and then finding it far from desireable in the end. Not to say that everyone has to enjoy their dream job, or will be doing exactly what they planned right out of school – but there should at least be three key things present. Someone once told me that if you have at least two out of the three things going for you – then you should stay at a job. Those three things would be…great pay, great coworkers, or work you really genuinely love doing.

Right now I am lucky enough to be in a job where all three are true. Sure, I wish I was paid more, and sometimes I wish I was doing something a little different. But, the truth is I know that my company is stable, rapidly growing, and offering me a great chance and opportunity to grow professionally. What else could I want?

So…Live 8 is a concert to get people involved (to double aid) and increase awareness of the world’s debt (to drop debt). But…with so many choices and personal issues around us, can we really be expected to look at the bigger picture and make a true difference? It starts with one…

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I spent more hours in an airport yesterday than I did at work. Not that I was really doing any work after my night before, but that’s besides the point.

I had lots of time to ponder a few things while en route to Kennebunk.

1. Let me first give the disclaimer that I do want children. But, I don’t ever want to have to travel with them. People can come to visit me, and Disneyland will occur when little Susie can sport her own backpack. I mean I feel for those parents…carrying all of your crap plus theirs (and God help you if you have a stroller), having to drag them with you when you’re late, listening to them whine when you have to wait, being the person on the plane with the screaming kid…no thanks. Traveling is already a harrowing experience. On that note I will also never be one of those parents who either A – screams incessantly at the kid to calm down thus embarrassing themselves and looking like an abusive parent, or B – the loud parent on the plane cooing to their child as if they were the greatest thing on the earth, i.e. “Johnny, do you want this cracker? Johnny look play with this toy!” That’s fine, but not when the entire plane can hear you talking to little Johnny.

2. LGA sucks. I flew in on United then had to take a shuttle to US Air – which is not a very clearly stated terminal change by the way. I run to catch my connecting flight and find it’s been slated to board at 11:15 pm (it was scheduled for 9:30 pm). Then it moves around to about 5 gates. Plus, all of the food court was closed by then, so I had to buy a nasty turkey club wrap that had probably been made at 6 am, and to top it off, it cost me $12 for the wrap, a drink, and a bag of chips. Kill me. OK, maybe I’m just bitter and was having flashbacks to the time a couple years ago when I got snowed in and trapped at LGA with the big Noreaster that even forced snow savvy NYC to shut down. But, still…I have yet to have a good experience through that airport.

3. Clothes that should not be worn in an airport. Rather, should not be worn ever:

• A flirty flippy skirt may be fun for frolicking, but not so much while wearing a backpack that pulls up in an unflattering way.
• Fanny packs are a no. Forever and always. As is spandex.
• Ladies – do you really need to wear pants falling off your ass and a tank top – thus exposing a good four inches of midriff? Now, in general, if you have the body, I say bare it…but really, on a plane?
• Men – this is a more general comment. Please have your dress socks match your pants. If you are wearing tan pants, have tan socks. Black pants, black socks. Never, ever wear white socks. Or any other color not closely related to pant color. CPMC correct me if I’m wrong, but fashion faux pas?

As for now, I’m going to read on the amazing deck of my friend’s house and watch the ocean…I am sadly cursed with the working woman’s timeclock – and although I went to bed at 2:30 am…I was awake at 6:30, then 7:30…and finally said fuckit I’m going to begin the day!

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Well, I’ve finally done it, I have spread my wings from the fabulous ladies of The Butterfly Network and created my own blog.

Since Sara and Lil DC Diva were so great in giving me a head start, I am ready to give it a go on my own.

I plan to write lots about my various dating horror stories, pop culture and political commentary, and just personal reflections.

I don’t expect you to agree with me, or even to like what I have to say. We all know there are a lot of haters out there. You just have to remember to go with it, and it’s just a blog! It’s all personal opinion, and we’re all entitled to our own.

I’m off now for a fabulous weekend in Kennebunkport, Maine…I’ll be back with a full report, and hopefully I’ll even get to rub shoulders with Jenna or Barbara (Bush that is)!

I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend…and gets the chance to experience some fireworks of their own!

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